Saturday, June 26, 2010

Petzschner Vs. Nadal

Dear God,

Did you watch last night's encounter on Center Court?

For a large part of the match, Petzschner kept Nadal under control, a rare sight.

Two things that really did him in - First serve errors and his stamina. While Petzschner's strength are his aces, the first serves still call for a lot of improvement.

Nadal was able to survive (and more than that) the grueling encounter purely because of his stamina. I think at a certain point, that's all that matters. If you have the stamina, all else will fall in place. Despite that little challenge with his thigh muscle, Nadal was able to bounce back and take the last two sets with outstanding conviction. This is what fighters are made of. Good going Nadal.

I noticed that there is not one outstanding about Nadal that you can rave about. He does reasonably well everywhere. The energy quotient, takes the cake. When all else perishes but if your energy is still intact, you have hit the home run. Exactly what happened on Centre court. Nadal was able to fight back due to supreme energy levels. What's more, he sapped the energy out of Petzschner making him run, and run he did like there were no tomorrow. But soon, he was all drained and out.

Having said that Petzschner is a promise. If he is able to circumvent his erratic first serves and avoid running up to the net too early, I think we have a true winner.

So Petzschner seems to be a new threat amongst many more East Europeans. Watch out Nadal and Fed.....

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Mind of a Gizmozoid!

Dear God,

What's with this whole 'marriage' thing? Why does it seem to me that everyone is bothered about my marriage more than the power cuts, the yet-to-end Summer, the likely fuel price hikes etc?

Does anyone even care that I don't have an iPad, iPod, iPhone or an iMac? I have been depressed of late and all I have been thinking of is Apple. Does it concern anyone at all about how that must feel?

Looks like everyone is out to tender free advice on how it is getting late for me, how I should maintain continuity of lineage etc. Who cares, I do not have the iApps!!!!! I feel poorer, extremely deprived.

Are you listening, errr.....reading this? If yes, can I please have all of the iApps and a regular supply of their products as they transpire.

Forever indebted to you.....

Monday, June 14, 2010

A slap in the face

Dear God,

Last Sunday couldn't have been any better.

I was thrilled to watch Ram Jethmalani hit back at that obnoxious, disgusting and despicable Karan Thapar. Trust me, I am not a fan of Ram Jethmalani or his Machiavellian ways. However, when Ram walked out chucking the mike despite pleas from Karan to calm down, I just loved the moment. Finally someone to give it back to Karan. You had to watch that show to see what I mean. That moment was bigger and more exciting than an iMac.

A similar thrill was provided sometime ago by Raj Babbar. Babbar had just won the elections after his move over to the Congress. Babbar was being interviewed by Rajdeep Sardesai. During the course of their conversation, Sardesai provoked Babbar by questioning him on his politics of convenience; on how he would switch parties at will and to win seats. Babbar promptly retorted by reminding Sardesai that not long ago he was with NDTV before he moved over to IBN. Nobody questioned him then.

I despise Sardesai and consider every retort on him a personal victory. The Master of Slime and his minions have to be reminded from time to time that they remain servants of the society. If they can't exercise restraint on their material and its delivery, somebody has to slap them in the face.....

Kudos to Jethmalani and Babbar......

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Karma and I

Dear God,

Today I saw a little girl (not over 9 years) sweep the floor and wash utensils at your's. What should I have done - protest, complain, report it to the head priest or just leave it at Karma?

If it is Karma, why do I complain about those talent shows that feature stiff competition amongst the 6-7 somethings? The pressure these 6-7 somethings go through.....pressure at school, at home........Why do I complain about the kids at the Mechanic's? The kid there fixes nuts and bolts on my Bike so I can ride smoother and safer????? If it is Karma, why is it this way? If I can look back and appreciate outstanding moments of my childhood, why can't every other?

If I had to raise a stiff about it, am I not depriving the kid of its livelihood? Am I not stealing its only opportunity to get something home to eat? Am I not defeating its family's ability to meet ends?

So what did I do at your's? Just watched, watched the kid wash utensils instead of letting it play, stay in school, learn......I am a hopeless, confused, ambivalent low-life mortal, Dear God.

And what about the ambiguity itself God, what am I to do with it? Every step, every juncture seems to present itself with grey.........I don't care if it is right or wrong, just give me that hint instead of letting me gawk like an idiot at situations.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Bhopal BlasPhemy

Dear God,

I am a commoner and I am not thinking who to blame - Warren, the US or the Indian Governments, UCIL, Eveready.... My access to information is limited to what turns out in the press. My concern is the thousands who were killed and the scores who inherited the ills of that fateful night.

A remote hope, a distant promise of justice results in a paltry compensation of Rs. 12,000/- and a rather feeble 2-year sentence for those responsible for that '84 episode. 26 years and on, is this all we could do for our own?

Politicians are engaged in continual exchanges, the Media is feasting on this controversy (and why not?) and the ridiculous debates on National television and the human rights' groups are executing the never-ending "blame games" vs. the system......

Amidst all of this, where is the victim of that disastrous episode - what about him, his kith and kin? Do we care? When......How......answers to which remain anybody's guess now. It is sickening to think of how we as a people of this great Nation (that we so often thump our hearts about) are incompetent of rehabilitation and relief for those affected.

Just how do you manage to be patient with us, Dear God? Don't you ever feel like brandishing that wand and wipe us out once and for all? Do you really think it is worth operating us anymore?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A trip to the city of Joy

Dear God,

Just got back from a trip to Kolkata. Ever since I got back, I have been fielding questions on the city, what it is like, the ethos, the culture etc.

To my mind, nothing sets it apart from any other Metro in our country. The sights and sounds around this place are a subtle reminder that you still belong to this great nation. As with any other place in India, Kolkata cannot do without the quintessential potholes, roads (or the lack of), traffic chokes, crammed buses, dirty surroundings etc. Nothing really different here.

Having said that, there are a few things that define this place:

1. Food - Awfully bland. Even the spiciest of dishes has to have a dash of sweet. Chilly Chicken had a funny and pretentious taste (the camouflage made it appear deceivingly HOT). Salted Lassi tasted suspiciously sweet! I am told that the food here is a reflection of the nature of people. Truly impossible for a loyal Hyderabadi to last long here.
2. Metro - Fastest, cheapest and undoubtedly, the best means of transport. The penetration though remains a lot to be desired. Also, someone pointed out that the Metro platform is supposedly the cleanest place in all of Kolkatta!
3. Weather - Perpetually sticky, regardless of the rise and fall in temperatures. I showered thrice a day in a vain attempt to stay dry and fresh,
4. Womenfolk - Dear God, you have been totally biased in saving up the best for WB. There is something about the women here, no adjective can truly measure up the beauty. I think you made up for all the lack of spice in the food here. I retained that awkward gape (exclusive to us, men) every time a thing (truly, with no disrespect) walked by. Wait a minute, are you thinking, "Thou shalt not gape"?

I am not the travel-and-explore kinds, so may be there is more to the city than met the eye. But what the heck, I liked the place nevertheless.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Ammappropisms

Dear God,

You've heard Bushisms, Sidhuisms etc. Try Ammappropisms, a portmanteau of Amma and her own appropisms.


Here are some observations I have made from time to time. Amma can come up with the wackiest, most spontaneous quip to break the ice or monotony. Be it the archetypal greeting or well-wishing, the (mis)pronunciations or the irrelevant comparisons she draws with conviction, she can have you in splits. Let me give you an example - She refers to the Great Sachin Tendulkar as "Waran Bhaath" (Marathi, for Dal-Chawal), can you beat that?!! Maybe her humour is unintentional but the spontaneity is unbelievable. What's more, most of the times, she doesn't even realize the wisecrack.

Well, here it is - Ammappropisms! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did, observing...

Names:
Karthik calling Karthik - Karthik is Kaaaalling!
Sharmaan Joshi - Idha Yidiot (Here's the Idiot, in reference to his role as one of the characters in 3 Idiots)
Ganguly - Gangowlee
Daler Mahendi - Dhalbir (Although that could be a legitimate name too)
Diana - Dayana
Joseph - Josep
Brijpal - Bridgepal
Gower - Gawar
Nine - Nayan
Degaashun Kaapi - Decoction Coffee
Shaniyanpudichavan - Md. Azharuddin, when he abandoned his first wife for Sangeeta Bijlani

Typical greeting and almost any time of the day or night
"Kunjalam, Chaaptiya?" (Kunjalam - My sister. Chaaptiya - Did you eat?)

Well wishing, again any time of the day or night
"Inniki yenna chamayal unga aathula?" (What's cooking at yours today?)

Shock
For the skimpily clad - "Poruma!?!?!" (Is that enough?)
Bipasha Basu - "Chi!!!!"

Familial connections
"Idha Mamiyaarum, Maatuponnum" - Let me do this in Hindi - "Lo, Saas aur Bahu." (In reference to Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth and the Late Diana, Princess of Wales sharing screen space on a documentary.)

"Appa, Pullai, Maatuponnu, yellarum ore picherla" - Hindi again, for cheap thrills - "Baap, Beta aur Bahu saare ek hi cinema main". (In reference to the Great Amitabh Bachan, Abhishek and Aishwarya in Bunty aur Bubly.

Amusement
She gets excited looking at Sidhu laughing and jumping up and down in his chair, doesn't care two hoots for the poor stand-up comedian's efforts. (Actually, I don't blame her, it is Sidhu's uncanny knack at play again)

You've gotta see the amusement in her face when she watches the ZooZoos in action.

Diet
"Ennakku rotiyum, Sabziyum" (No matter the kind of restaurant)

Show-off
"Engaam rombo perishu. Perrikki, thodaikaradu romba kashtum" - "Ours is a big house, quite a task sweeping and mopping around". A smart way of indicating that she lives in a mansion of a flat without boasting.

"Yengaatula romba periya TV irrukku!" (Referring to our LCD, "we have a very big TV at home")

Nomenclature
Any form of Non-Vegetarian food - "Mattedu" (The other)
Snakes - Periyavaal (The elders). Don't ask me, I have never been able to figure that one out either.

Irrelevant comparisons
"Nanna oodhungo, yennaiyum engya kondu vaiyyungo" (Smoke more and hard, pledge me somewhere too)!!!!!!!!!

"Pattham class padichittu ithara periya cricketer aanaanaa?" - when she was told that the Great Sachin Tendulkar is rumoured to have studied upto Std. X

Kanathukulla kalla potamaari irundha - She remained as silent as the stone that was pelted into the well!!!

"Gavaskara paar, kutti kutti runna cheti daan 100 undakinan" - Look at Gavaskar, all of his singles used to add up to those 100s. This was in reference to her philosophy that little savings added upto the Big Money!!!!

Panacea
"Chandanam pottukko" - Apply Sandalwood paste. This held good for all ailments - topical and sub topical, regardless.

Phone skills
"Balance illai!" (No balance in my phone account) - when she were not interested in a conversation and wanted to keep it short, or when the other party didn't give Amma space to talk.
"Hello!, naan maami maatlaadutunna...." (Maami is how she announced herself to everybody, no matter how old or young, known or unknown.



All said and done, my Mommy CUTEST!!!





Saturday, August 22, 2009

So long, Satyam

Dear God,

This was my "Goodbye" to Satyam....

My friend and well wisher,

You have received this email because you are one of the very few I have known and interacted with during this cathartic sojourn. Easily one of the finest individuals, you have been kind to me and helped me facilitate exchange of thoughts from time to time. Regardless of the nature of interaction or capacity, I am happy we got working together, making every endeavour a meaningful and realistic one.

You have also been the one I could relate to easily, and in no time. We may not have accomplished as much as we envisaged. All the same, my association with you will remain etched in memories for a long time to come.

Today was my last day in office. I couldn't have left here denying you the privilege of knowing that - you deserved it of all. As I write to you, my current phone number is being deactivated. I will apprise you of a new number shortly.

In the interim, please write to me on ramtherock@hotmail.com; Look me up "Aham Brahmasmi" on Facebook and Orkut. I would really like for us to be in touch.

God bless you, always.
Ram

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Nadodikattu I (The Wandering Wind)

Dear God,

At long last I am back talking to you. Call it lethargy or smug, I have just not been up to anything lately.

Slowdown, job/pay cuts have left all of us drained emotionally. I needed to break free, escape to a place away from this pandemonium. An unplanned, almost overnight decision put me on a train to my hometown, Palakkad.

As I set foot in your country, I knew this was going to be a memorable and a rejuvenating trip. It had rained the night before and the aroma of Earth almost jump-started my senses.

Thottam house, the ancestral home from another century stands tall and proud in the hamlet called Chandrasekharapuram. One look at the structure tells you that it has weathered many a violent storm, has stood the test of time and has become a significant part of history and legacy. The insides have scarcely been modified ever since I have known it. Every element in the building still goes strong and carries generations of memories. I have vivid memories of scampering around the house with Thatha (Grandpa) chasing, trying to keep speed. I was born here and although spent very little time after, I have always been drawn to the house and the village folk.

Thinnai (Front yard), the house and the Kollai (Backyard) constitute to the Thottam House.

A recently modified gate that rests on two ageing (albeit, gracefully) pillars welcomes you into the Thinnai, into Thottam House. The slanting Ottuperai (Roof made of mud) forms the parasol. Thinnai is lined with plants/trees bearing flowers like Shoe flower, Lily, Bougainvillea etc. Most of the flowers are used as offerings to you during the morning Pujai (Puja). A Nellikkai (Gooseberry) maram (tree) at the foot of the Thinnai keeps popping its produce onto the Ottuperai.

The insides of the house comprise of Ullu Thinnai (Sit out space), Macchikullu (Store), Your room, Adukullu (Kitchen, there are two), rest room and Macchimellai (Attic).

Kollai (Backyard) is love beyond poetry. Dotted with tall trees and now an unused well, it is but natural for poetry to flow here. Quiet is abundant here. Trees and birds alone have the right to utterance, if any. The thicket that forms when branches embrace each other is divine abode. Coconut and Jackfruit trees are like an epidemic, really! Every house here, as elsewhere in Kerala is embellished by these trees. So we call upon Kunjuraman's services to get some coconuts down and feast on them. Kunjuraman to me is the real Spiderman, the real Superhero. He can go up the tree in almost no time and send those fruits flying down like it was a routine day in office. Oh! by the way, Kunjuraman runs errands for houses here including gardening, cleaning up wells etc. Back to his exploits, I feasted on at least three of them, along with the fruits that lined the walls inside. What thrilled me truly was that I had them for free versus having to spend about 8/- back home in the city.

"Green is the colour" goes the Pink Floyd ballad and how truly so. Hard as you might try, you cannot escape the greenery around - the Paddy fields, the trees, the hedges etc haunt you, in a good way of course! The end of the Kollai opens into the perennial Attangarai (a tributary of the great Bharatha Puzha). This is my favourite place here. I can thrive on this place, the sounds of the waters battering the rocks within, the fish biting into your legs etc. I believe the fish can bite into germ-infested wounds and heal them. The force of the current undulates onto your back giving you an almost therapeutic massage, one you cannot get at the plushest of Spas in town. There is so much to hear here - the birds, the splashes, the swaying of branches etc are nothing less than a beautiful composition. The sand encircling this beautiful stream shines in all its glory when the Sun embraces it at noon. Unfortunately, not too much of the sand is now left with realtors digging into it for construction purposes.


Part two follows.....

Monday, August 10, 2009

Wasted life

Dear Mr. Editor,

I have often believed that wavelength is a definitive and tangible term rather than just a feeling. Here's a comparison to demonstrate that:

1. Your name (Mohan Sivanand) sounds South Indian and I am a South Indian too.
2. You sport spectacles and so do I.
3. Apart from the fact that this is bread and butter, you appear to be committed to the language. This is evident from the prefaces, articles and some of your responses to emails from readers.Trust me, I have the same attitude towards English - I have written a bit (blogging) and I read a lot.
4. Considering you started your career while in Kerala, I assume that's your native. It is mine too!

Just a handful to bring out tangible coincidences. So what's the moral of the story, you ask? Well, since our wavelengths match, do you think you could get me a job at Readers' Digest?

Here are some reasons that may help you work on an answer:

1. We have been subscribing to the journal for the last 3-4 years. Avid fans of the monthly, the courier guy has been promptly delivering them at noon when dad's not home. This enables me to be the first to lay hands on it.
2. My father has gone crazy picking up those RD collectibles that will someday roll into the sweepstakes.
3. I have a profound respect for language and an undying passion for words.
4. I am between jobs and can use a job (Part time will do too) to capitalize on my skills.
5. I do not have any formal education in journalism or mass communication for fitment. All the same, I think I have a natural advantage with the language. So if you think I am worth a try, I could send you bits of what I have written in the recent past for you review.

Any role will do, I just need to be amongst words.

Let me also guess what you would do after reading this outlandish piece of junk:

1. Rubbish it like you would with any other junk you receive by the hour.
2. Share this email in a group and have a good laugh.
3. Maybe this will never even reach you, your office administrator might have a strong mind to consider this SPAM and junk it.

Sir, please help!




Of course, there was no response. I mean why would there be!!! What was I thinking.....

Dear God,

Don't let the title or the account take you aback. I am still trying to figure out why I wrote that ridiculous piece of junk - is it excess free time, joblessness or sheer foolishness? That's the email I had written to the Editor, Readers' Digest...