My misery continues....

Dear God,

Recall I’d vowed to be nice, calm and composed a while ago or at least make an attempt. I thought I was doing fairly well until today. I came short of calling someone’s mother and father names. Guess what brought that about – our own unreliable, FRAUDULENT Indian Times Shopping.

A couple of days ago, I was assured I’d see the K3 on Sat this week. Given Times Shopping’s reputation, I decided it might be worth the call and time to give a reality check. So, I called their world-class call center earlier today. Here goes:

I: Hi, I am calling to check the status of my order.

Rep (with a typical North Indian, snobbish, I-don’t-care-a-damn tone): Sir, before that can I have your order number?

I: I don’t have that handy; can you look it up using my phone number?

Rep: What’s your phone number?

I: XXXXXXX851.

Rep: The order was placed in the name of S. Vyankatesh (!?!?!?) for the ‘All new Amazon Kindle 3 WiFi’. The order was placed on the 15^th of November.

For some reason, every rep I’ve talked to so far has always responded in the exact, aforementioned way to my phone number. Is it my phone number? Is the number weird? Does the phone number drive them mad? Clearly, my name is alien to them Northies. They cannot, for the love my life, cannot pronounce South Indian names correctly (read my previous blog on Newscasters, July)

I: That’s right. Has the product been dispatched yet?

Rep: Sir, I would like to tell you that the order is out of stock and so could not be dispatched on time.

I: What?? Why didn’t you tell me about it? Please get me someone senior in your function.

Rep: Sir, even they will say the same thing.

I: I don’t care Ma’am. I need the product delivered tomorrow as promised to me on the 22^nd.

Rep: Sir that is not possibal Sir (exactly the way she responded)

I: I am willing to hold the line, get me your supervisor.

Rep: Sir, Hum aise call nahi de sakte hain.

I: Ma’am, I need to know the status now.

Rep: Sir, aap please line pe bane rahiye, Main iska kuch pata lagati hoon.

Dear God, I was at my wit’s end. I could have seriously whacked that woman to pulp. Vow! Vow! Vow! I regained my calm. I endured the terrible cacophonic Hold tone for a good 15-20 minutes. Silence! The call was disconnected!!!!! That is it. Another call and this time I was going to be rough…

Some wisdom retained in me suggested that I call the Vendor instead. I gave out the product’s details and left my phone number at theirs. I was assured that I would be called back in 10 minutes and that it was a Gentleman’s word.

So I got off phone and called Times again, this time with vengeance.

I: My order number is 201011140829532. My name is Venkatesh and my phone number is XXXXXXX851. I am checking on the status of my order. Has the product been dispatched?

Rep: Thank you Sir and this is your order of the ‘All new Amazon Kyndle (Now that’s a new variant, I hope my Kindle 3 is in safe hands) 3 WiFi, correct Sir?’ (Also, I thought I had saved time by announcing every bit before she asked. I was wrong. The broad still had to remind me of what I purchased).

Now, exactly how does one read that – statement, proclamation, question…? I chose to be neutral.

I: Right

Rep: How can I help you with the order number Sir? (!!!!!!!!)

If I had a sledgehammer in my hand and the rep in person, I would have made a paste out of her. Why for sanity’s sake would she ask me that question?

I (cold): Ma’am, I want the product to be delivered tomorrow, Saturday.

Rep: Sir, but that is not possibal sir (again!?!?!). We don’t deliver on Saturdays. (Can you beat that?)

I: Look Richa, if you were a customer that’s placed an order online, made payments and yet were jostled around, how would you feel? I need an answer and I need it now.

Rep: Sir, I understand. Let me speak to my supervisor. Please wait.

Cacophony ensues….the pathetic hold tone will ring in my ears for the rest of my life as a sound reminder of the travesty made of me.

Male voice:

I: Sorry, I didn’t get your name.

Male voice: Sir, I am Sudheer. I understand you placed an order for the ‘All new Amazon Kindle 3, WiFi’ on the 15^th of November and you haven’t received it, right Sir? (quick learner, that Idiot!)

I: Right.

Sudheer: Sir, I would like to inform you that the Vendor has not dispatched the product yet. We have the vendor’s details but no intimation from them that the product has been dispatched. In this regard, you will have to speak to the vendor directly.

Before I could say something, the Vendor called. I decided to take that call instead.

Rohit: Hi Sir, this is Rohit.

I: Hi, what news do you have for me?

Rohit: Sir the news is that you will have the K3 on Tuesday next week.

I: Rohit, I have been given the run around for the last two weeks. Every time I called, a new version has been conveyed to me. Exactly, why do you think I should trust you this time? Can you expedite it?

Rohit: Sir we don’t have the product yet and hence the delay. But I assure you, you will have the product on Tuesday.

I: Rohit, I am positive I will have to call you again on Tuesday. So give me a direct line to you and your last name please.

Rohit: Sir, my name is Rohit Shah and I am on 022-XXXXXX32

I: Rohit, I will take it as a Gentleman’s word that I will have the K3 on Tuesday.

Rohit: Sure Sir, I am sorry for any inconvenience caused to you.

I: Take care, bye.

Dear God, how in your name do I trust these filthy, low-lying, crawling, gutless, spineless jelly fishes? I swear to you, kick me in my posterior if I give them a second chance.

Screams of faulty products, delayed delivery, returned & no refund etc. on Consumer complaints online only underpin my experience thus far. I do not want to belong there, so help me God.