Dear God,
You've heard Bushisms, Sidhuisms etc. Try Ammappropisms, a portmanteau of Amma and her own appropisms.
Here are some observations I have made from time to time. Amma can come up with the wackiest, most spontaneous quip to break the ice or monotony. Be it the archetypal greeting or well-wishing, the (mis)pronunciations or the irrelevant comparisons she draws with conviction, she can have you in splits. Let me give you an example - She refers to the Great Sachin Tendulkar as "Waran Bhaath" (Marathi, for Dal-Chawal), can you beat that?!! Maybe her humour is unintentional but the spontaneity is unbelievable. What's more, most of the times, she doesn't even realize the wisecrack.
Well, here it is - Ammappropisms! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did, observing...
Names:
Karthik calling Karthik - Karthik is Kaaaalling!
Sharmaan Joshi - Idha Yidiot (Here's the Idiot, in reference to his role as one of the characters in 3 Idiots)
Ganguly - Gangowlee
Daler Mahendi - Dhalbir (Although that could be a legitimate name too)
Diana - Dayana
Joseph - Josep
Brijpal - Bridgepal
Gower - Gawar
Nine - Nayan
Degaashun Kaapi - Decoction Coffee
Shaniyanpudichavan - Md. Azharuddin, when he abandoned his first wife for Sangeeta Bijlani
Typical greeting and almost any time of the day or night
"Kunjalam, Chaaptiya?" (Kunjalam - My sister. Chaaptiya - Did you eat?)
Well wishing, again any time of the day or night
"Inniki yenna chamayal unga aathula?" (What's cooking at yours today?)
Shock
For the skimpily clad - "Poruma!?!?!" (Is that enough?)
Bipasha Basu - "Chi!!!!"
Familial connections
"Idha Mamiyaarum, Maatuponnum" - Let me do this in Hindi - "Lo, Saas aur Bahu." (In reference to Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth and the Late Diana, Princess of Wales sharing screen space on a documentary.)
"Appa, Pullai, Maatuponnu, yellarum ore picherla" - Hindi again, for cheap thrills - "Baap, Beta aur Bahu saare ek hi cinema main". (In reference to the Great Amitabh Bachan, Abhishek and Aishwarya in Bunty aur Bubly.
Amusement
She gets excited looking at Sidhu laughing and jumping up and down in his chair, doesn't care two hoots for the poor stand-up comedian's efforts. (Actually, I don't blame her, it is Sidhu's uncanny knack at play again)
You've gotta see the amusement in her face when she watches the ZooZoos in action.
Diet
"Ennakku rotiyum, Sabziyum" (No matter the kind of restaurant)
Show-off
"Engaam rombo perishu. Perrikki, thodaikaradu romba kashtum" - "Ours is a big house, quite a task sweeping and mopping around". A smart way of indicating that she lives in a mansion of a flat without boasting.
"Yengaatula romba periya TV irrukku!" (Referring to our LCD, "we have a very big TV at home")
Nomenclature
Any form of Non-Vegetarian food - "Mattedu" (The other)
Snakes - Periyavaal (The elders). Don't ask me, I have never been able to figure that one out either.
Irrelevant comparisons
"Nanna oodhungo, yennaiyum engya kondu vaiyyungo" (Smoke more and hard, pledge me somewhere too)!!!!!!!!!
"Pattham class padichittu ithara periya cricketer aanaanaa?" - when she was told that the Great Sachin Tendulkar is rumoured to have studied upto Std. X
Kanathukulla kalla potamaari irundha - She remained as silent as the stone that was pelted into the well!!!
"Gavaskara paar, kutti kutti runna cheti daan 100 undakinan" - Look at Gavaskar, all of his singles used to add up to those 100s. This was in reference to her philosophy that little savings added upto the Big Money!!!!
Panacea
"Chandanam pottukko" - Apply Sandalwood paste. This held good for all ailments - topical and sub topical, regardless.
Phone skills
"Balance illai!" (No balance in my phone account) - when she were not interested in a conversation and wanted to keep it short, or when the other party didn't give Amma space to talk.
"Hello!, naan maami maatlaadutunna...." (Maami is how she announced herself to everybody, no matter how old or young, known or unknown.
All said and done, my Mommy CUTEST!!!
