Friday, February 6, 2009

My purpose around here

Dear God,

I must confess I don’t know why I started writing. I don’t think there was an influence or a driving factor. However now, after a not-so-great hand at some scribbling, I think I am motivated to write more and more. It seems to get me thinking all the time. It makes me look for words to fit meanings to thoughts. Needless to mention, the feeling of triumph makes me feel lighter.

Maybe I did draw inspiration from my Idol, my mentor Amit Bhaskar and to some extent from my sister too. But I don’t know. I am not going to spend too much time talking about their styles of writing. To maintain continuity, let me tell you what my objectives are around here.

1. My thoughts, my ideas are intellectual property to you and me. No one else needs to alter my thoughts or try influencing my conversations with you.
2. I will write what I feel like. In you I trust, all others (especially, the cynics) can go and take care of their businesses.
3. I will share my conversations with absolutely select few, few who will understand my thoughts and critique them wisely.
4. I am not the kinds who will write to you because I have to. I will do that at my will and to suit my whims and fancies.
5. I am not sure if these thoughts reach you Dear God. Nonetheless, I will continue scribbling because I feel good talking to you.
6. I want my efforts to be a dialogue and hence I write to you. I will try and eventually imagine your responses too to my thoughts.
7. If my language is not flashy and my thoughts are small, it’s alright. All I need is for you to understand me. In you I trust, all others (especially, the cynics) can go and take care of their businesses.
8. I don’t care if my dialogues have snap-endings (a la O. Henry) or no endings at all. All I need is for you to understand me.

Good talking to you God.

“I don’t want to be an actor”

Dear God,

Acting is commonly defined as a profession where a person through visual, sound and any other storytelling media tells a story by portraying a character and usually singing or speaking text or play.

Notice the stress on ‘portraying’. Portray in turn, means to depict, represent or show. Now, let’s talk about it in relation to acting skills. A bit of history to open the subject…

Rewind to the 1800s and the first available video footage is of the silent movie Roundhay Garden Scene, a British short film. Fast forward to the 1900s and the first Sound film was called The Jazz Singer, an American musical.

I define acting as an ability to live a character and connect with the audience through the character’s emotions, mannerisms, habits etc. with utmost conviction. Dialogues to me are secondary; significant but secondary. Take for instance, the silent era – a true test of the actors’ skills to portray characters without being able to utter a word. Imagine the amount of expressions, emotions that would need to go into the movie if the actor had to connect with the audience, to sweep them off their feet!!

Can you imagine a ‘Cape fear’, a ‘Men of honor’ or a ‘Godfather I/II in the silent era? I for sure, can’t. These movies relied heavily on the dialogues and the characters’ ability to deliver those power packed, heavy and sometimes snappy dialogues. Most of the characters were based either entirely or loosely on real-life characters. All of them – De Niro, Nicholson, Brando/Pacino lived the characters and delivered us the masterpieces as we know them today.

So, what’s my point you ask? Here goes. I feel acting is no longer the only required skill in times we live today. Times have changed, tastes have changed, and so have emotions and the overall outlook on life. Life is fast-paced, attention spans are reduced, and we want action laced with captivating content.

Why do you think there is so much of hatred for our never-ending Hindi soaps? Simple, we can’t relate to them anymore. I can not relate to the long, endless pauses between dialogues. I find it difficult to agree with the expressions on the characters’ faces, their emotions. They simply do not apply to life as it is today. I wanted to personally explore these soaps to experience why there was so much prejudice. So I watched a couple of them. I couldn’t believe that the characters mouth a single “Nahi!!” four times in four different photographic angles. Who on earth does that? Or there is a force-fit, meaningless and unwanted suspense to every shot before a break or at the end of every episode. And why so much emphasis on a negative word “Nahi!!”? Come on!

In contrast, look at a new breed of actors, Farhaan Akhtar, Neil Nitin Mukesh or Abhay Deol to name a very few. I don’t see any expressions on their faces, no extraordinary emotions and certainly no heavy dialogues. And yet, I am able to readily relate to the characters they play. For example, Farhaan’s character of a lead singer – not only is it believable but also the trauma that it goes through with disbanding without excessive banter or long-winding dialogues and a final reunion with the band is pure magic. Or take Neil’s character of a small-time thug, nothing flashy about it either. He plays this very stoic, cold and unfettered character and executes the heist with almost no effort.

I do not say that acting as a skill is void. It just has to transform into a new plane, a plane where emotions or dialogues don’t matter. All that matters is connection, appeal and a lingering bond with the audience. Movies/plays now need to be fast-paced in capturing attention, for otherwise we have better business to take care of.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I seek answers

Dear God,

You know I am a sucker for the unexplained, the mysterious, and the supernatural. I have often had questions that do not always seem to fetch convincing answers despite lots of reading up and talking to various people. One such question – What is Hell like?

The other day, I was reading an extract of Dante’s Divine Comedy. His clear and vivid imagination of what Hell might be like is truly outstanding.

I have always known (blame it on the upbringing!) hell to be a pot of boiling oil. Those that committed sin were dropped into that pot and left to burn till eternity or until another dimension relapsed. Our movies always depicted God as Almighty, The One and that just a mention of his name would reduce the evil to shambles. Some movies are still etched in my memory for the treatment that is meted out to the naughty, prankster evil when he ventures out during his night shifts in search of his conquests!

I wonder if that is actually true, Dear God. Is it true that your power is such that no evil is even light years close to being a match?

In sharp contrast, many an English movie I have watched depicts you and the evil on an even platform, bilateral if you will. Movies like The Exorcist required the High Priest to work hard in his profession. Movies like The Omen (and the series thereafter) depict the strength of your evil counterpart. As a matter of fact, the characters (the supposed “Know-alls”) fail to finally fell The Prince of dark.

So Dear God, why this difference in interpretation? If you are The One and The Force to reckon with, and if every corner of your creation that believes in you knows that, why this ambiguity?

Anyway, I think that is best left unanswered because I know I don’t have to worry about any other entity when The Force is with me. However, out of persuasion of curiosity and to maintain continuity of this dialogue, let’s move on…

So, back to the Divine Comedy… Dante describes Hell as a very cold region (not sure if that is a befitting word!) and that is a BIG deviation from what I had always known. What’s more, there isn’t a single pot for all crimes and all sinners!! While crime is organized, treatment to crime also seems to be more organized than outside the Indian context!

But wait, let’s talk more about Dante’s account. His articulation of the seven stages of Hell is nothing short of a treat. It is amazing how each crime is dealt with separately and in an organized fashion. Take for example, the Second Circle of hell – this one packs those who have sinned, overcome by lust. Sinners in this circle are blown about by violent storms with no sign of rest. It is amazing how Dante draws a comparison of their plight with their sin. This, he says symbolizes the power of lust to blow one aimlessly.

Similarly, he describes each circle of hell with a convincing precision of the sin and treatment thereof. Some of the text, when pictured in the head makes one want to truly explore regions beyond your borders. The timing of the account obviously has nothing to do with his imagination. However, what strikes me is the confidence he demonstrates during times when mention of evil was evil in itself.

As part of reviews on his work, it was hard to believe that it was originally not well-accepted until around the 19th century when it was drawn for inspiration. Sad, for an account of this epic proportions and colossal creativity.

Nevertheless, it made excellent reading and gave me an insight into the various possibilities with the power of imagination.

Times

Dear God,

I was in discussion with friends sometime last week over how times have changed. It occurred to me that the change seems to have accelerated only in recent times.

I still recall dad’s last take-home was Rs.10000/- (PM) and this was as recent as 2002. Thanks to you, I had started earning then and hence we didn’t feel too much heat. But then it got me thinking – if he earned only so much after having spent 25 YEARS in the same organization, what am I complaining about? In 2002 and at only 24, I was already earning Rs. 10000/- (PM).

Picture this:

There was a time when I had only one set of uniform for school – one in brown for Mon-Thu and another in white for Friday. Almost everyday stitching is what held the brown trousers in one piece. One day the stitches gave way when in school during a leisure hour. I remember I had to tuck my shirt out to cover the rip near the back pocket while on my way back home.

Those were tough times, with money difficult to come by. Appa had to work on Saturdays too, so he could earn a measly, paltry sum of Rs. 110/- for OT!! Hence, a new set of brown trousers was almost like a far-fetched dream. Yet again, thanks to you, an old Sweater came to my rescue. I put that on to school everyday over my shirt just to hide the rip. You will not believe it, this applied for summers too!!

Cut to today, my cupboard is overflowing with the choicest, the “most-branded” of clothes. Today, I disown a shirt if there is a hint of dirt or stain (sometimes, inconspicuous too). Today, I throw a shirt after a day’s use as if it were not my business to hang it up. Today, I spend Rs. 800 -1000/- on just a shirt!

Or this:

I had never known what pocket-money was or what it meant. And so, every time my friends went to the movies, hang out and have fun, I would throw a stiff at home and demand for extra money to be the “cool” one. Amma would have to part with a slice off Appa’s OT so I could enjoy.

And throughout all these episodes, my little sister would be the quiet and enduring one in the family. I can not recollect one occasion when she misbehaved or made unreasonable demands. Now, when I look back I know that she had matured before time and before I did; she clearly understood the situation at home.

You know, Appa had to sell his house of 8 years for 4 lakhs to cough up for the initial payment of my new flat. Who does that these days, God?

Cut to today, anything lesser than a Rs. 1000/- weekend would be a rude Welcome to Monday. It feels odd if money is not spent on booze and ‘Chicken snacks’ every weekend.

We would buy our monthly groceries at the “Marwadi kadai” (Marwardi store) on credit. I recall Appa having to cut some of the other expenses so he could accommodate the credit at the store. I don’t believe our monthly groceries went beyond Rs. 1000-1500/- a month.

Cut to today, Rs. 3500/- also does not complete our grocery shopping. It gives me a feeling that we just want to spend more regardless of utility value.


Or this:

I wanted to take up a course with NIIT (computers weren’t yet a boom back in 1997). I am still not clear why I did that. Even now, I am not interested in computers. So when I retrospect, I am sure I took it up because I liked fancy names (the course was Graduation in NIIT)!! Can you believe that? Amma had to pledge her ornaments for the Rs. 40000/- course fee.

To believe that Appa and Amma managed our education, home loan, household expenses and any other overheads within Appa’s salary is just truly amazing. I bow to them, God.

So then God, my questions to you are simple –

1. Will I ever be able to repay Appa and Amma and Sis for all the struggle that they have endured for me?
2. What did I do to deserve so much from them?
3. Why am I still complaining, what more do I want?

Times....contd

Dear God,

About a week ago, I chanced upon this forward. I am not usually BIG on ‘forwards’ but this one truly caught my attention. It goes…

”Here I am sitting in my office at night...Thinking hard about life.
How tiny pocket money changed to huge monthly paychecks, but then why it gives less happiness…
How a “2 Re. ka Mirchi bhajji” has changed to eat outs at KFC, Subway and yet why there is less hunger…
How a bike always on “Paanch point” (Hyderabadi for 0.5ltrs of Petrol) changed to a car with a full tank, but then why there are less places to go on…
How calls at the PCO changed to a flashy mobile, and yet why there are fewer calls & more messages…
How an old assembled desktop changed to new branded laptop, but then why there is less time to put it on…

Here I am sitting in my office at night… Thinking hard about life…How it changed…. "

There are bigger things in life than the sight of crisp currency notes…”

Unbelievably true, isn’t it? I was thinking that I have absolutely everything, everything a bachelor could ask for; a great family to go back home to, a fully loaded house, two A/Cs, a laptop and a desktop, a music system, a home Video with a decent collection of movies, books; all this and more. I do not mean to say that these are the only things that bring about happiness or content in life. But, since every bit at home is self-made, to me it holds a lot of significance.

And yet, there is a void in life – an inexplicable vacuum, certain emptiness. What happened to days when I could have four “Bhajjis” and feel elated about having eaten-out? What happened to the times when a first-day, first-“Chiranjeevi”-show at the movies gave me a sense of conquest? Whatever happened to those “Holis, Diwalis, Dussehras and New Year’s” that ushered in festivities, a feeling of gaiety all around?

All I do these days is finish work, watch TV before retiring, watch TV in the morning, watch TV over the weekends and that is it – appears the TV is my Bobo Doll. And what on TV – the stupid, irritating reality shows, beaten up and repetitive news, talk shows on which film star is dating whom, what is the current fashion statement, stand-ups that endlessly ridicule the system, the people and almost everything else in this world.

Sometimes, it makes me wonder if you had a purpose in mind when you bought me in your creation. Where God, where have the good days all gone? Is this what it means to grow up, to be mature – that you sacrifice the little joys, the excitement, and the content in life? That you give up on friends, those bus rides (on footboard!!), the visits to the parks, the movies – is that what it takes to be known as a “successfully settled boy” in society?

I know a lost hour is a lost hour – it never comes back. However, I earnestly want to start afresh – get out of this everyday “rat-race”, run-of-the-mill issues/concerns at work, mundane Mondays and absolutely insipid, drab folks to deal with.

I want to start simple, enjoy little moments of happiness, give to the society, spend time with you, talk to you, have a loyal set of friends to enjoy evenings with and come back home to a nice, quiet drink before retiring.

Dear God, some of my friends think that that way of life is too idealistic, too hard to live. I can’t believe I thought the same way about all the luxuries I enjoy (materialistic, really!) today. So tell me God is a simpler life too much to ask for?

I’ll sign off today with a few lines from one of my favorite songs…

So baby, let’s sell your diamond rings,
Buy some boots and faded jeans,
And go away….
This coat and tie is choking me, in your high society,
You cry all day…
We’ve been so busy keepin’ up with the Jones,
Four car garage and we’re still building homes,
Maybe it’s time; we got back to the basics of love….