Times

Dear God,

I was in discussion with friends sometime last week over how times have changed. It occurred to me that the change seems to have accelerated only in recent times.

I still recall dad’s last take-home was Rs.10000/- (PM) and this was as recent as 2002. Thanks to you, I had started earning then and hence we didn’t feel too much heat. But then it got me thinking – if he earned only so much after having spent 25 YEARS in the same organization, what am I complaining about? In 2002 and at only 24, I was already earning Rs. 10000/- (PM).

Picture this:

There was a time when I had only one set of uniform for school – one in brown for Mon-Thu and another in white for Friday. Almost everyday stitching is what held the brown trousers in one piece. One day the stitches gave way when in school during a leisure hour. I remember I had to tuck my shirt out to cover the rip near the back pocket while on my way back home.

Those were tough times, with money difficult to come by. Appa had to work on Saturdays too, so he could earn a measly, paltry sum of Rs. 110/- for OT!! Hence, a new set of brown trousers was almost like a far-fetched dream. Yet again, thanks to you, an old Sweater came to my rescue. I put that on to school everyday over my shirt just to hide the rip. You will not believe it, this applied for summers too!!

Cut to today, my cupboard is overflowing with the choicest, the “most-branded” of clothes. Today, I disown a shirt if there is a hint of dirt or stain (sometimes, inconspicuous too). Today, I throw a shirt after a day’s use as if it were not my business to hang it up. Today, I spend Rs. 800 -1000/- on just a shirt!

Or this:

I had never known what pocket-money was or what it meant. And so, every time my friends went to the movies, hang out and have fun, I would throw a stiff at home and demand for extra money to be the “cool” one. Amma would have to part with a slice off Appa’s OT so I could enjoy.

And throughout all these episodes, my little sister would be the quiet and enduring one in the family. I can not recollect one occasion when she misbehaved or made unreasonable demands. Now, when I look back I know that she had matured before time and before I did; she clearly understood the situation at home.

You know, Appa had to sell his house of 8 years for 4 lakhs to cough up for the initial payment of my new flat. Who does that these days, God?

Cut to today, anything lesser than a Rs. 1000/- weekend would be a rude Welcome to Monday. It feels odd if money is not spent on booze and ‘Chicken snacks’ every weekend.

We would buy our monthly groceries at the “Marwadi kadai” (Marwardi store) on credit. I recall Appa having to cut some of the other expenses so he could accommodate the credit at the store. I don’t believe our monthly groceries went beyond Rs. 1000-1500/- a month.

Cut to today, Rs. 3500/- also does not complete our grocery shopping. It gives me a feeling that we just want to spend more regardless of utility value.


Or this:

I wanted to take up a course with NIIT (computers weren’t yet a boom back in 1997). I am still not clear why I did that. Even now, I am not interested in computers. So when I retrospect, I am sure I took it up because I liked fancy names (the course was Graduation in NIIT)!! Can you believe that? Amma had to pledge her ornaments for the Rs. 40000/- course fee.

To believe that Appa and Amma managed our education, home loan, household expenses and any other overheads within Appa’s salary is just truly amazing. I bow to them, God.

So then God, my questions to you are simple –

1. Will I ever be able to repay Appa and Amma and Sis for all the struggle that they have endured for me?
2. What did I do to deserve so much from them?
3. Why am I still complaining, what more do I want?