उम्मीद से दुगना

Dear God,

The K3 is here!!! And I am loving it!!!

I had serious doubts I would have the K3 despite Gentlemen’s words, promises from Times, AWB tracking etc. As I prepared to go home to “No K3”, a confirmation call from home hailed the arrival of the K3. Yes! the K3 had arrived, my K3 had arrived!!!

She had been waiting for me when I returned. I hadn’t expected fireworks or fancy packaging especially after a fellow blogger’s note. After a bit of struggle with the excessive but secure taping, I opened the box and there she was, in all her glory. The Amazon logo appeared to be smiling, a sense of victory overcame. For now until the end of this week, I am going to feel, admire and savour it. I will, in the meantime, run through the manual. Certainly, an affair to remember…

Salary hadn’t been credited until late evening. Word was that it might be delayed this time around. But it did as I looked up the K3.

“उम्मीद से दुगना”....:-)

My misery continues....

Dear God,

Recall I’d vowed to be nice, calm and composed a while ago or at least make an attempt. I thought I was doing fairly well until today. I came short of calling someone’s mother and father names. Guess what brought that about – our own unreliable, FRAUDULENT Indian Times Shopping.

A couple of days ago, I was assured I’d see the K3 on Sat this week. Given Times Shopping’s reputation, I decided it might be worth the call and time to give a reality check. So, I called their world-class call center earlier today. Here goes:

I: Hi, I am calling to check the status of my order.

Rep (with a typical North Indian, snobbish, I-don’t-care-a-damn tone): Sir, before that can I have your order number?

I: I don’t have that handy; can you look it up using my phone number?

Rep: What’s your phone number?

I: XXXXXXX851.

Rep: The order was placed in the name of S. Vyankatesh (!?!?!?) for the ‘All new Amazon Kindle 3 WiFi’. The order was placed on the 15^th of November.

For some reason, every rep I’ve talked to so far has always responded in the exact, aforementioned way to my phone number. Is it my phone number? Is the number weird? Does the phone number drive them mad? Clearly, my name is alien to them Northies. They cannot, for the love my life, cannot pronounce South Indian names correctly (read my previous blog on Newscasters, July)

I: That’s right. Has the product been dispatched yet?

Rep: Sir, I would like to tell you that the order is out of stock and so could not be dispatched on time.

I: What?? Why didn’t you tell me about it? Please get me someone senior in your function.

Rep: Sir, even they will say the same thing.

I: I don’t care Ma’am. I need the product delivered tomorrow as promised to me on the 22^nd.

Rep: Sir that is not possibal Sir (exactly the way she responded)

I: I am willing to hold the line, get me your supervisor.

Rep: Sir, Hum aise call nahi de sakte hain.

I: Ma’am, I need to know the status now.

Rep: Sir, aap please line pe bane rahiye, Main iska kuch pata lagati hoon.

Dear God, I was at my wit’s end. I could have seriously whacked that woman to pulp. Vow! Vow! Vow! I regained my calm. I endured the terrible cacophonic Hold tone for a good 15-20 minutes. Silence! The call was disconnected!!!!! That is it. Another call and this time I was going to be rough…

Some wisdom retained in me suggested that I call the Vendor instead. I gave out the product’s details and left my phone number at theirs. I was assured that I would be called back in 10 minutes and that it was a Gentleman’s word.

So I got off phone and called Times again, this time with vengeance.

I: My order number is 201011140829532. My name is Venkatesh and my phone number is XXXXXXX851. I am checking on the status of my order. Has the product been dispatched?

Rep: Thank you Sir and this is your order of the ‘All new Amazon Kyndle (Now that’s a new variant, I hope my Kindle 3 is in safe hands) 3 WiFi, correct Sir?’ (Also, I thought I had saved time by announcing every bit before she asked. I was wrong. The broad still had to remind me of what I purchased).

Now, exactly how does one read that – statement, proclamation, question…? I chose to be neutral.

I: Right

Rep: How can I help you with the order number Sir? (!!!!!!!!)

If I had a sledgehammer in my hand and the rep in person, I would have made a paste out of her. Why for sanity’s sake would she ask me that question?

I (cold): Ma’am, I want the product to be delivered tomorrow, Saturday.

Rep: Sir, but that is not possibal sir (again!?!?!). We don’t deliver on Saturdays. (Can you beat that?)

I: Look Richa, if you were a customer that’s placed an order online, made payments and yet were jostled around, how would you feel? I need an answer and I need it now.

Rep: Sir, I understand. Let me speak to my supervisor. Please wait.

Cacophony ensues….the pathetic hold tone will ring in my ears for the rest of my life as a sound reminder of the travesty made of me.

Male voice:

I: Sorry, I didn’t get your name.

Male voice: Sir, I am Sudheer. I understand you placed an order for the ‘All new Amazon Kindle 3, WiFi’ on the 15^th of November and you haven’t received it, right Sir? (quick learner, that Idiot!)

I: Right.

Sudheer: Sir, I would like to inform you that the Vendor has not dispatched the product yet. We have the vendor’s details but no intimation from them that the product has been dispatched. In this regard, you will have to speak to the vendor directly.

Before I could say something, the Vendor called. I decided to take that call instead.

Rohit: Hi Sir, this is Rohit.

I: Hi, what news do you have for me?

Rohit: Sir the news is that you will have the K3 on Tuesday next week.

I: Rohit, I have been given the run around for the last two weeks. Every time I called, a new version has been conveyed to me. Exactly, why do you think I should trust you this time? Can you expedite it?

Rohit: Sir we don’t have the product yet and hence the delay. But I assure you, you will have the product on Tuesday.

I: Rohit, I am positive I will have to call you again on Tuesday. So give me a direct line to you and your last name please.

Rohit: Sir, my name is Rohit Shah and I am on 022-XXXXXX32

I: Rohit, I will take it as a Gentleman’s word that I will have the K3 on Tuesday.

Rohit: Sure Sir, I am sorry for any inconvenience caused to you.

I: Take care, bye.

Dear God, how in your name do I trust these filthy, low-lying, crawling, gutless, spineless jelly fishes? I swear to you, kick me in my posterior if I give them a second chance.

Screams of faulty products, delayed delivery, returned & no refund etc. on Consumer complaints online only underpin my experience thus far. I do not want to belong there, so help me God.

nomoreshopping.indiatimes.com

Dear God,

Don’t look up that site, will not lead you anywhere. It is just a take on my frustration. A week has passed since I placed the phone order at Times Shopping.

On 15^th November, I was assured that the K3 would be at my doorstep within 7 working days. 17^th Nov, I receive an address/payment verification call. Even before I could ask the TAT to delivery, the woman hung up on me! I called every single day after that to check on the status. Trust me you don’t want to talk to the agents at their Contact center. No adjective can measure up the pathetic service they provide.

The IVR announces option 2 for English. But believe me, the folks at the contact center do not understand Language, forget English. It took me very little time to switch to Hindi hoping for a better response. However, as bad luck would have it, the better response was only a better-sounding response. All of them said the same thing. It appears they have a script that runs on a ticker that they have to parrot all the time. One of the women I spoke to gave me a crash course on how to calculate 7 working days from the 15^th. She insisted that today would be the 7^th day and I could expect it today. As on Saturday last, the K3 had not been dispatched.

Anyway, during the course of these harrowing encounters with the Contact center, I learnt that delivery of the product will happen 7 working days after the verification call. Hello! How about educating a customer? Forget it, they needed education themselves, I said to myself.

Also, Times Shopping seems to have a crude and cheap sense of humour. After every despicable interaction, a prompt SMS, “You have spoken to ___, please reply with a Yes if you are satisfied with the service provided or No if you are not” follows. I had a strong mind to reply with a No with detailed reasons. I didn’t. And now in retrospect, I think that was sensible or I would have had to do that for each of the 7 calls I made at theirs.

By the way, I also had this brainwave in the interim, to find out the vendor and his contact so I could check directly with them for the status. Luck couldn’t be any unkind. The vendor’s phone keeps ringing off the hook. So nothing worked here as well.

My worst fears were ignited when I noted a complaint by a fellow soul, equally frustrated and vexed with Times. His complaint read Fraud in all glory. In probing, I found out that he hadn’t received an order placed over a quarter ago. Great!

Today is Day 7. A week has passed. It would be asking for too much to get the K3 today, tomorrow or the day after. They had a reputation to live up to.

I have been shortchanged enough already. The K3 continues to elude me….All I can do is rely on the old Hindi adage, “उम्मीद पे दुनिया कायम है|”!!

An affair to remember....

A rage was about to kindle…

Of books and rolls to handle…

Newspapers and journals alike…

Mp3, browser and the like…

With Wifi and 3G…

On a palmtop that was mine to be…

Amazon and eBay, I was on…

To buy this toy, cute and coy…

A midget of a gadget…

Dear God,

What began as eye candy turned into manic obsession. I just couldn't get over the widget. The Kindle had certainly taken a toll. Routine had been redefined with research and more research of the ethereal beauty. Monochrome albeit, she was worth a thousand millihelens. Of course, the tryst was not devoid of the skeptics who pried for comic relief out of my pursuit.

For a brief while, I had to weigh options too. A week-long scout brought the scuffle down to the Kindle, the iPad, the Nook and Mother India’s Wink.

Round 1

The iPad is an all-rounder with the ease of Touch. At 32,000/-, 16 GB memory, fingerprint-proof, 3G & WI-Fi, ability to download thousands of apps and more, it appeared to be the clear favorite. What did it in was that it is not exclusive. Technology will die its death sooner than later with gadgets providing all-round performance. If the death has to be slower, exclusivity has to be maintained. Okay, now that is my philosophy. So, the K3 moved onto the next round.

Round 2

The aesthetic Nook, a cousin, came with similar features but also had the flexibility of user-replaceable battery. Wonder why the K3 should be deprived of this feature. Moreover, the Nook catered to the “colour-crazy”. The K3 bashed on, regardless. The Text-to-speech, a feature of the K3 is reminiscent of Chitti narrating a bed-time story to put us to sleep. I am a big fan of ‘Black and white’, a quality that is lacking even in the way we lead our lives.

Round 3

A certain broad reminded me of the Wink from namma Bengaluru. Apart from its ability to support a multitude of formats, 15 languages, expandable memory (up to 16 GB), it’s biggest selling point is it is Indian. A snapshot of this slick looker on the net promotes content in Hindi too. I had almost made up my mind. The price was slightly higher and the K3 felled the Wink down. Again!

And so, the K3 won the title. From eye candy, it was soon to become my arm candy. But wait, the romance had just begun. I now had to work on the logistics – costs (esp. Shipping, Customs, VAT etc). Ordering it online from Amazon.com presented with difficulties. I didn’t have a credit card and that required me to create some Netcafe account that converted my Debit card into a temp credit card. That sounded complicated.

Chuck it! I said and sought a friend’s help with eBay. He explained a fairly simple but multi-layered procedure to ship the product home. It involved a third party website that was able to pick the product from within the US and shipping it home. He seemed to have a way with the Customs’ fees too. Looked cool! So we started working on the MRP, conversion, freight etc and prospective sellers on eBay with the best rate. After a productive effort combing the enterprise, we firmed up a couple of sellers and left them messages seeking clarifications.

It was the end of the day and I still hadn’t placed the order. I knew a harrowing and frustrating weekend was on the cards. Patience hadn’t done any good to anyone, me neither. I slept little, got onto eBay and found another prospect with a better price. Since I was a first timer, didn’t make sense to leap. So I messaged this good friend for an opinion. Obviously, to expect that the world was up at a time I was, was unwise by a mile. He didn’t respond. It was killing!

And then your divine intervention got me an SMS from another good friend reporting an advertisement in TOI on the K3. Yes! K3 could be procured here too. Yes! Yes! Yes! I love my India. So I called them to place the order. Customer Service of TOI hardly exists. I required a few clarifications and I was put through the misery of speaking to 3 different supervisors with hardly any knowledge of terms like Whispernet. In fact, one of them: “What Whispernat?” One other had the cheek to tell me that newspapers can’t be downloaded, that ‘Whispernat’ was Amazon’s ‘Internat’ etc. I gave up, hung up and called them again, this time to place the order without the questions.

Day 3 and I get a call from Customer Support for address verification. The K3, my own Kindle 3 is not far away, I guess!

Dear God, I will keep updating you on the review as it happens….

Woh jab yaad aaye, bahut yaad aaye....

Dear God,

The year 1992 got us our first ever cassette player. Appa played a certain Md. Rafi to herald the 'music-mad' family we were to become over time. Of course, Doordarshan and All India Radio rendered works by Rafi Sahab on their archetypal shows/stations. Somehow though, Chitrahaar, Chhayageet or Hawa Mahal couldn't do justice, or so it seemed, to the quantum of this talent.

So what is Rafi Sahab all about? I will retain the present tense and maintain that He lives, through his works. A phenomenon that launched long and successful careers, an event spanning almost 40 years and a statement that will never go out of fashion for eons.

Chaudvin ka chand ho ya aftaab ho,

Jo bhi ho tum Khuda ki kasam,

Lajawaab ho....

Certainly, Rafi's services had to be called upon for Guru Dutt to impress Waheeda Begum. Rafiesque to put the Moon and the Sun to shame, and Rafiesque to make you believe that it was Guru Dutt's rendition on screen. This song amongst scores of others made me feel that Rafi Sahab's contribution was akin to Ghost writing. He did the work and someone else got the credit!

...tumne mujhko hansna sikhaya,

rone kahoge ro bhi denge....

Who would've thought "Junglee Shammi" could cry? Rafi Sahab made it possible. Even as I typed those lines, moist blinded visibility. Shammi Kapoor's roles, as we've known them, were of the typical Jamboree. Jumping off cliffs, rolling down snow capped mountains, chasing novice leading ladies on-screen....all of these and many other happy-go-lucky, devil-may-care traits had come to epitomize Shammi Kapoor. To see him cry or mellow may not have been the exact picture in one's mind. It took a Rafi Sahab to turn that around. Shammi Kapoor could emote too...

....kar chalein hum fida,

jaan-o-tan saathiyon,

ab tumhare hawale watan saathiyon...

If this bit did not levitate the patriot in me, nothing else could. A post Sino-Indian war Ballad to stir men to devotion, worship; to fondly remember the undying commitment of martyrs.

...barbadiyon ka sokh manana fizool tha

barbadiyon ka jashn manata chala gaya,

har fiqr ko dhunye main udata chala gaya...

This lilting sonnet reiterates the philosophy of take it easy, come what may. Coupled with Rafi's Sahab's talent, it couldn't have been more relevant than it is today. With all the difficult times around, the song is as close to profundity as it gets.

...More Tum Been Bigare Sagare Kaaj

Binatee Karat Hoo, Rakhiyo Laaj

Man Tarapat Haree Darshan Ko Aaj....

Rafi Sahab's rendition of this dhrupad brings alive the legendary Baiju Bawra. Rafi learnt classical music from Ustad Bade Ghulam Ali Khan, Ustad Abdul Wahid Khan, Pandit Jiwanlal Matto and Firoze Nizami (source Wikipedia). This song picturized on Bharat Bhushan is delivered with an enviable panache and realizes the pain described by the said to earn a glimpse of Your Divinity.

...nain lad jainhe to manavaa mein kasak hoibe kari

delivered prem kaa chhuti hai pataakhaa to dumak hoibe kari nain lad jaihe..

Yet another testimony to Rafi Sahab's versatility. An incredibly racy song with totally convincing Bhojpuri accent. 

Just some of the songs that come to mind to describe this phenomenon. Like the proverbial drop in the ocean, there are innumerable songs that a blog cannot contain.

There have been folks who draw comparisons with Talat Mehmood, Kishore Kumar, Manna and the like. Futile, sheer waste of words. These pseudo-intellectuals appear to force-fit their imaginations to prove a point. To me, Rafi Sahab was, is and will remain a bundle of talent, a versatile package. His ability to deliver classical, romantic and inspirational songs is unparalleled. I gather that his talent extended to regional languages too. Therefore, any comparison is felony. Every other artist has been a specialist. Rafi is also a specialist, a specialist in diverse genres. He is nothing short of a divine intervention.

"Nothingnesses" like Rajendra Kumar, Dharmendra, Jeetendra would all be thankful to Rafi Sahab for their launch and flourish. Thanks to his songs on them, they became what they did. Even today, we identify them through Sahab's voice alone. In sharp contrast, his songs for the only true actor Dilip Kumar, the great Sanjeev Kumar and the like, only added to their screen presence and talent.

Thank you Appa for introducing us to this Legend. And Thank You Rafi Sahab, for those immortal songs.

31 years post his demise, a fellow blogger quotes:

"Na fankar tujhsa tere baad aaya, Mohd Rafi tu bahut yaad aaya…"