Where is the kind bystander?

I: "Bhaiyya, yeh kahan padta hai?" flashing out a piece of paper with an address.

The kind soul round the bend: "Siddha jaao, doosre chowraste pe Majjid hai, Majjid kane se right leke kamaan ke andhar se teesra right. Khareeb khareeb 3 km padta yahan se".

Dear God,

A typical exchange when locating an address. Hyderabadi gullies and their unending complexities can be truly overwhelming and at times, scary too. If you were having a bad day, heck! they may seem like points of no return!

Not when the friendly, kind bystander is around though. The dialogue above should give you an idea of how well he knows these bylanes and the precision with which he can lead you to your destination.

But not anymore, Google Maps, SIRI and their ilk have made in-roads here too. Something about men and directions - our egos never let us ask for directions. That is slowly but surely turning true with the advent of the digital era.

Today the said apps take me straight to my destination providing a running commentary through the course, with the same (mostly, better too) precision that the kind bystander was equipped with.

Yet another death, yet another opportunity for communication lost to time!

The kind bystander is no more....

Who the hell is running this place?!?!

Dear God,

Sunday's debate has caused a stir, so unprecedented and of such a magnitude in political circles of not just the US but also in countries that are closely following an impending change at the White House.

A lot is being said for, against and about the sparring probables. The now infamous video that went public last week has gotten the bigwigs within the GOP to distance themselves from Trump. And as I write this, I gather that there are many more who want to keep him at bay.

Less than 30 days from the Big day and with Trump losing faith (swiftly at that) within his party, a few questions piqued my interest - What now, what next, where does GOP go from here, does Trump still continue work and most importantly, who fills in for Trump if his nomination were to be cancelled?

A bit of reading around the web got me a few possibilities. Apparently, there has never been a situation as such and hence there isn't (or so it seems) a clear solution to any of the afore-stated wringers.

It all boils down to three possibilities, as I understand - A) the candidate is rendered incapacitated, B) is deceased or C) withgoes the race by own volition. With less than a month away, fielding another candidate who can amass the kind of support that Trump has from citizens and party workers alike is going to be an implausible task. Be that as it may, will GOP still bet on Mike Pence to conjure up something?

Knowing Trump and closely following his comments after the second debate, it seems unlikely that C) were an option at all. His confidence, I suspect, is at an all-time high. He looks ever-more resilient and unwilling to quit just yet. In recent times, he and his team of medical practitioners have emphatically insisted on his pristine medical condition, weight issues, notwithstanding. And so, dare I say, A) is ruled out too.

I believe, there is another possibility. That Trump runs for office nonetheless and should he win, he is persuaded to accede office to his running mate, who in turn assumes office as a caretaker President with full powers.

That possibility, in the meanwhile, gives GOP the necessary time to huddle up and make some crucial amends.

All of this leaves me amazed at how a perceived, near-impossible event can truly stump even the most powerful nation on the planet and leave its law makers and policy books delinquent and inadequate!

Of morals

Dear God,

Circa 2 million years ago - As per a 2013 post on LiveScience, the earliest evidence of ancient human ancestors hunting and scavenging meat.

Picture heads of two families sparring over a recent kill. Before long, they are at each others' throats over who takes home the spoils. In the meantime, the shrewd and ever opportunistic Hyena is seen slinking away with the prized catch.

As the head hunters watch in dismay, they are compelled to come to a sharing agreement for all eventual kills (I guess, through gestures).Obviously, they realise that it benefits to talk and mutually agree on terms than let either party starve. And thus began the long course of sharing as we know it today.

Such and many more agreements that followed were classified into virtues, morals, codes of conduct etc. 

Begs the following questions:

1. did you design the situation? 

2. were you there as a pacifist propounding that theory of sharing with the neighbour?

3. what triggered the sharing agreement - common sense?

4. did you thus introduce common sense?

One may come to a reasonably sane conclusion that values, morals, principles et al. mostly (I daresay, always) arise out of changing times, circumstances and most importantly, convenience.

As with evolution, all the aforesaid adjectives (values, morals...) always existed. Some will retire, extend and yet others will be born. A trigger was all it required for them to kick in. Of course, therefore, it may be increasingly futile to qualify something right or wrong. Only relevance will remain and count.

To that effect, may I therefore say (with caution) that if one attributes the adjectives to you, as do many I know, they are wrong. Horribly wrong!

Correct me.

Just another working day

Dear God,

It has been a while (more than, actually) since I did anything worth a mention. Amongst several reasons, a catalyst to the preceding sentence is a recent change in work location.

Office has now moved farther by 8 kms. As a result, the distance one way to work is 28 kms. It is no longer a simple "going to work" day. Actually, you will appreciate by the end of this precis why it feels like going to the gallows and back, only to go back again!

As if the number 56 weren't stressful enough, the actual ride makes it worse. Let's start with Traffic, the good old, disciplined Hyderabadi traffic. A 5-10 min deviation from the start time at home means you can kiss punctuality goodbye. Because by 8.30 in the AM, the roads are spilling over with people from all over. Certainly, one in every household is riding to an extreme end of the city everyday.

Back to the traffic situation. So it is like going into battle constantly maneuvering the bike, navigating through tapered lanes and sometimes over namesake roads. A bit on the roads here. They are, as you will know, a facade. Can you put your finger on one good stretch in all of the twin cities? They are perennially punctuated with potholes and speed breakers. Rains just add a new dimension to the non-existent roads here. Islands of stagnated water here, overflowing potholes there, all make for a joyous ride. Appa, on one of those rare occasions quipped that having ridden these roads, it is going to be impossible to ride on a 'good' road, if that were ever to happen!

If that didn't put fear in you, here's who makes it eventful - the good old, Hyderabadi. Pedestrians, drivers and all others in the taxonomy seem to have it taken upon themselves to stop me from reaching on time. Spit missiles, cigarette buds shooting out of car or bus windows is commonplace. Traffic jams on the main lane provide for a rare sighting - motorists plying on walkers' tracks or sidewalks! You know what they say about the Hyderabadi - idhar chala liye, to kahin bhi chala lete - loosely, if you can manage riding here, you can ride anywhere else too. I say, true that! Pedestrians and two-wheelers especially, can interject when you least expect it and worse, when you cannot engage brakes in time! A unintentional nudge here or an inadvertent move can at the least, get you snarls, the kinds that can drain the blood streams, leaving you blanched. In extreme cases, it can help update your expletives' lexicon. Your immediate kith and kin are fondly recalled in sweet Dakhni.

After all this, I get to work in a little over the usual 1h 30m. Battled and bruised, I hope for a smooth day. "Ram! why haven't you completed the document yet?" The familiar greeting of the Boss!

Ciao, until next time!

Of petty jibes

Dear God,

So on one occasion a while ago, at dinner with Mentor, we were going round the table introducing ourselves and sharing our interests/hobbies.

When we got to me, I proudly said that I was learning how to play the Violin. A holier-than-thou, smart Alec quipped, "Even villains in our movies play the Violin these days"!! Yes, that was totally unprecedented and unwarranted. Worse, it wasn't remotely amusing, if that was the intent.

But guess who came to my rescue. Mentor, no less! He was quick to retort, almost like a slap in the face, "But Einstein played the Violin too, didn't he?" The look on smarty pants' face......priceless!

Revelry in mythical rivalry

So, it is done and dusted. Can we now move on please?

Dear God,

I know of quite a few ecstatic people revelling in last night's victory against Pakistan. Some claiming personal gratification out of the record we retained (6-0). In the run-up, jokes were running rife across ads and dissections in news sections. Social media was flooding with trolls of our cousins' dubious WC record.

Going by the news coverage, the entire country seemed to have been smitten with patriotism and overwhelmingly at that. I recall a nasty troll in the build-up to the clash, "Bhai, Pakistan se jeet jao, WC nahi jeet sake to naa sahi" (Beat Pakistan, so what if we didn't win the WC again?).

Begs the questions, what goes on in the mind of the populi that aggravates tensions across either sides of the border during face-off? After all these years, have we still not moved on? Aren't there more formidable teams (like SA, Aus) that constantly pose a threat to our rankings and thereby demoralise our unit? What's with this undying obsession over performing well against each other all the time? How come the gut doesn't work as well with the teams in brackets?

In all fairness, last evening, we met and pulverised a team that was by no measure a WC winning team. Over half of the team was inexperienced. The captain of the ship himself hasn't scored a one-day century yet, even as he stares at sunset at 41. Says a lot about the capability of the unit, doesn't it?Shahid Afridi, the only other experienced campaigner almost always battles expectations of being a pinch hitter.He wasn't any different last evening gifting his wicket away.

Let us also not kid ourselves by our own performance. 300 is not exactly an enviable score given latest one-day trends. Look at Ireland and how they destroyed the West Indies. They made 300 look like a bad joke. We conveniently dashed hopes of touching 325 despite sitting comfortably on good starts by the top order. In fact, after Dhoni, we were a mere pack of cards delivering right the Domino's effect.

And our bowling strength (*sigh*) struggled to clean up the tail (again!!) despite their inexperience. So yes, we can celebrate last night's win but it was to me, Pyrrhic. Our bowlers were clearly exposed and the batsmen beyond Kohli, are for all practical purposes, non-existent.

To all my friends who derive this cheap thrill out of beating our cousins from across the border, might I remind that WC is not only about an IND v PAK encounter. I'd be as humiliated and bruised as Pak is today, if not more, if we didn't truly look like the defending champions. Trust me, we don't remotely look the part as on date.

An acid test awaits us on the 22nd when we meet the mighty Proteas. To my mind, our performance on that day will establish our intent and commitment to retain the cup. Or realistically, even getting through to the quarters. 

Like MSD mentioned at the presser, it is time we moved on from what now seems like a non-existent rivalry, mostly stoked by media and the petty politics in the background.

Abhi pathaakon ka waqt nahin aaya!

AAP se anurodh!

Dear God,

As I file this, I learn that the AAP is hinting at forming a Government in DEL. Whose support, how etc are not in yet.


Kind attn: Mr. Arvind Kejriwal

Dear Mr. Kejriwal,

Trust all’s well.

I am amongst your harshest critics. It has, I assure you, no bearing on your methods or ideology as much as it does on politics and governance in this country.

That I have never written to any other outfit despite the vitriol they have brought about in the country and chose to write to you is testimony; testimony that the country and citizens saw a glimmer, a glimmer of positive optimism and brighter days ahead through the AAP.

It is with that very hope that I feel compelled to write to you about your stance on taking the podium in Delhi. AAP’s mainstay has been activism and relentless opposition to the order of the day – lawlessness, red-tapism and corruption abound! People of this vast expanse walked with you solely on that premise with faith of a better, brighter tomorrow.

Your showing at the recent polls took everyone by surprise, mostly pleasantly. A simple outfit with very simple but focused ideals was long overdue. How you would deliver on the electricity and water problems would make for an intellectual debate on another day. People sitting in the comforts of their cosy couches, especially the armchair critics suddenly took notice.

I think you owe it to this nation and its people. It is time to pay back.

In the wake of the quandary over who forms Government, here are a few observations/questions:

1.    If your agenda pivoted on an anti-Congress and anti-BJP promise, swaying this way or that is clear betrayal. You will be going against people’s mandate.
2.   By leaving a window of opportunity (the 18 points of contention, 10 days to consider etc), you’ve managed to create useless ambiguity.
3.    Do you really see a need to seek vox populi now to help you decide?
4.    On one occasion, you’d rightly pointed out that in Politics, nothing can be unconditional, then why this tentative stand?
5.    Besides, a sway this way would mean pro-corruption and that way would mean pro-communalism. Must I remind you that the country is fraught with communally opportunistic and opportunistically communal forces?
6.    So what if there are fresh elections, so what if it costs the exchequer and so what if you have to seek a fresh mandate? The costs and efforts thus incurred would be toward a good cause. Surely, it can’t get worse than the quantum of money we lost by way of scams.

I’d scarcely worry about fortunes in case of a fresh mandate. You were a big hit at a time when you were a ‘write-off’. A more convincing swing in your favour is the only likely outcome. Also, it is a very beautiful problem to have. Just when you wondered how you’d fulfill your promises, you are getting an extension up until the next general elections.

In my view, this is the time for you to sit back, retrospect and plan ahead. I hope you didn't think Delhi was your horizon. Real conquests lie within the remotest, hitherto untouched regions of our country. It is time to strategise and make public your next steps in governance. Do I need to remind you that you have far too many headaches to deal with, keeping in mind your manifesto?

Summarily, these should be your first few steps:

a.     Meet India Inc., the real engines of growth.
b.     Decentralize AAP, identify and field strong regional forces that carry your message forward
c.     Reinforce your presence on Social media, keep the country posted
d.    Get to know the Country, travel aggressively. India still lives in its villages!
e.     The party’s political inexperience was in full public view with the recent stir that Mr. Bhushan caused. This could also be the time for you to brainstorm on party ideals, bring about a consistency in tone and opinions.
f.      The country is facing grave crises – Sexual offences, gender discrimination, partition of states etc. What are your thoughts on these and various others?

Do give it a thought. Trust me you may not even have begun. There is a long way to go, miles to walk…

In the interim, I remain your harshest critic!

Chennai Express: A man-made catastrophe

Chennai Express: The future of Indian Cinema – crass, tasteless, humiliating and definitely worrying. My polite two bits to explain why…

Dear God,

Let’s start with some good points and the myriad not-so, this fare presented…

Like: Popcorn, Trailers, Interval, exchanging texts, Kumbakonam, Sathyaraj (despite the modicum role), gyrations by Priyamani and Deepika P.

Dislike: Everything else interspersed between the above.

SRK: After Chak de, my respect for him has only dwindled. Chennai Express brought it to a head. Thankfully, this movie establishes his age upfront but his histrionics still make you want to believe he is the tried and tested Rahul from yesteryears. In almost every frame (again!!!!), he turns out to be a damp squib.

Sathyaraj: The delightful but highly underrated Sathyaraj is wasted. What was he thinking when he signed up for this non-existent story!?!

Deepika P: Probably the only part of the movie that looked good!!!! Deepika’s Tamil was hardly convincing. If you thought all Tamilians’ve gotten their masculine and feminine genders confused, you are wrong!

The DDLJ, Antakshiri sequences couldn’t conjure up a smile. Lame lines intended to be funny like SRK’s sheepish, “Woh meri seat hai, my seatum!” or “Lekin, main!” when asked to go to Rameshwaram. “Main” what?

“Don’t underestimate the power of a common man” doesn’t found funny by any means. I guess the maker of this movie understood it and sooner than later replaced it with an even ridiculous “Don’t underestimate the common of a power man” Really!

Overall, the movie was humiliating, especially since the intended and unintended humour was targeted at Tamilians. Tamilians do not speak Hindi the way the movie depicts. Why, most Tamilians do not even speak the national language with all the political shenanigans at play.

What’s up with Chenaai?!?! Or Thaangabali?!?!?

Plot: why bother! Besides if you left your brains at home, does it matter?

That I contributed to the 100 Cr., the movie earned in its opening week irks me the most.

To friends, fair-weather and genuine well wishers, who urged me to leave my brains home before the fare, I pity you! Haven’t we seen madder and yet thoroughly enjoyable movies like Andaaz Apna Apna or Dhamaal?

To some others who provided their highly insightful, “after hours of hard work, I want to relax and watch a light movie”, you’ve gotten it wrong. You endure slime throughout the day and then close it with more slime doled out by a mindless crew. Only in the former, you get paid!

So how does one express ire towards CE and its ilk? – Boycott them or watch the pirated version.                            

                                   
                                                Issued in Public Interest

The bane of being a woman in India

“You go sit on the Kitchen floor!” Athaipatti condescendingly orders my sister to vacate her seat for me at the dining table. Later Amma tells me that old timers like her always preferred boys to girls for progeny. Poor Lalitha moved without protest.

Visiting a good friend’s home, I find his mother sitting on a mat laid out in the corner of the hall. A plate and tumbler are set aside for her. Upon inquiry I learn that she is “outside” for a set period. It is only later in time that I understand what it meant. A typical feature of the South Indian household, women have to endure this bizarre outcast-like treatment from menarche up until menopause, month after month. Episodically, they are considered impure and are not allowed to touch anything or anyone at home!

A family acquaintance, Doctor by profession, we learn later in life was violated by a group of men as an act of retribution aimed at her husband. If you asked Amma, she’d say that the lady was ‘spoilt’!

...My first memories of discrimination at home, growing up. Women across this great nation have, sadly, always resigned to fate when oppressed. Isn’t home the start to gender equality, respect for each other, education and empowerment?

Picture the typical company boardroom setup. The hosting VP calls for updates from across the room. When the lone lady presents her version, admittedly a bit sheepishly, the VP almost unflinchingly says, “Stick it up!” Cut to a similar setup, different company and different time. Women here are a minority. During an ensuing discussion, the MD makes a fleeting remark, “Sab Chutiye hain!”unmindful of the women seated around. Leave alone chivalry, basic etiquette was lacking, a clear sign of poor upbringing.

            In both of the aforementioned instances, the ladies either wore a stoic look or simply withdrew into a shell.

“F***, in time, you wouldn’t have to manage these babes. You are meant for a different role”, the Boss announces nonchalantly referring to my team of ladies. Thankfully, not in their presence!

Bapuji had once famously stated that India would be truly independent the day her womenfolk are able to walk uninhibited and fearless at midnight. That, unfortunately, is not a timeless piece. Women here, irrespective of age and time of day are liberally violated. Beyond doubt, even Bapuji would have been put to shame.

The movie Matrubhoomi: A Nation without Women (2003) is a futuristic take on a hamlet in North India that is inhabited by men alone. Thanks to every newborn girl child being sacrificed, men are left to double up for chores that are typically associated with women – cleaning, cooking, drawing water from wells etc. The men here are so frustrated that they resort to bestiality to douse the heat within. A family of 5 brothers is married to one woman in exchange for a sum. The ensuing horror is left to your imagination. The highpoint of the movie is in the total disregard for the woman except when in bed.

Internal party politics and apparent misogyny from various quarters persuaded the premier of a nation recently to step down in full public glare. That she did so with poise and dignity makes for a full-length blog. Other than the famed quartet in our country, why do you not see very many women in high places?

Out on the streets, men are killed (recall the Kegan-BBY incident) for protecting women. The opposite sex is a mere means to let off steam on-the-go (recall the Delhi rape incident)

Media does its bit in conveniently glamourising and de-glamourising her (recall the Arushi Talwar, Priyadarshini Mattoo, Jessica Lal cases). All of these ladies were widely reported in heightened frenzy. Whatever happened to those cases, no clue! Sheilas, Chikni Chamelis and their ilk have contributed abundantly to her commodification.

Dear God, 

Who am I to offer solutions? But I do have the right to share common sense. This plague of discrimination can be eradicated only through an all-round effort. Education, enforcement, enlightenment, empowerment et al need be packaged abundantly and appropriately. Castration, Electric chair, Hanging etc may not necessarily be deterrents.

Thottam house weakens!

Around 1984
“Koshava! Koshakumbara!”, the ever-rambunctious Ramettan chases the naughty lad (all of 6 years). Eventually the chase ends and Ramettan fondly embraces the lad. Favourite amongst all of Amma’s siblings, Ramettan always does his best to keep the lad and his sister in good spirits.

                                                                                                                                        

Around 1984 too
Chief amongst Ramettan’s chores is tending to the Cow and her calf. Every morning presents an invite to the lad to hop onto Ramettan’s able shoulders and scamper around Chandrashekarapuram. “Bada, bada!” Ramettan yells during the rounds.

                                                                                                                                 

Since first memories
“Mottai! Poovu parichiya?”The moniker (Mottai is a tonsured head, a custom followed upon the death of an elder) held good for either of the fraternal twins – Rama and Lakshmana. They acquired the name after the sad demise of Swarnam – Thottam house’s matriarch. Every morning, the twins take turns to tidy the numerous deities that adorned the ‘Swami room’. Flowers dotted the 21 cent-premise of Thottam house and every morning a sample of each would be presented at your feet.

                                                                                                                            


With time

Changing tides witness Ramettan switch over to medicine, as a med-representative. Every morning after the ritualistic ‘poojai’, he’d put on the un-ironed shirt over the ‘veshti’, hop over the ancient Hercules and race up to ‘paadhai’ (for convenience sake, the main road). Hardworking, he’d return only after an arduous 12-14 hrs at work. Sundays were meant for extra money via the occasional catering services’ call. A recent payslip (more like a crumb) reads his salary – Rs. 5121/- after all deductions!!!! How does one survive on such a paltry income in the 21^st century! Between managing a falling house, a kid’s school and tuition fees and some meager savings, there is only so much.

                                                                                                                                              

1-Aug-2013

The peace across his face is palpable. And yet, even as he undertakes the sojourn from Thottam House, you can feel the energy, see him smile! It is time, time to get out of the make-shift bed and undertake a whole new journey. Amidst raging fires, Ramettan departs!

                                                                                                                                           

Dear God, 

Ramettan would present himself at the station every trip (to and fro). Fond memories of that radiant smile added to the promise of a pleasant stay at Thottam House.  August 2012 was the last time he'd be at the station. A terrible accident had rendered him unconscious for over 24 hours until death became him. ‘Ettan’ (read Ayton) is a common Malayali address for the elder.  I will miss the affection, the warmth you showered upon me, Raman Mama. You are like the vital limb that is now lost. Coming home to Thottam is never going to be the same again. 

Memories are all that remain. The above mentioned are, but, just fragments.

Despite several hardships, I cannot recall one instance when he stretched his hand out for help. Such was his steadfast grit. It was in his character to be cheerful and spread cheer. Pity! you needed him earlier than his time.