Revelry in mythical rivalry

So, it is done and dusted. Can we now move on please?

Dear God,

I know of quite a few ecstatic people revelling in last night's victory against Pakistan. Some claiming personal gratification out of the record we retained (6-0). In the run-up, jokes were running rife across ads and dissections in news sections. Social media was flooding with trolls of our cousins' dubious WC record.

Going by the news coverage, the entire country seemed to have been smitten with patriotism and overwhelmingly at that. I recall a nasty troll in the build-up to the clash, "Bhai, Pakistan se jeet jao, WC nahi jeet sake to naa sahi" (Beat Pakistan, so what if we didn't win the WC again?).

Begs the questions, what goes on in the mind of the populi that aggravates tensions across either sides of the border during face-off? After all these years, have we still not moved on? Aren't there more formidable teams (like SA, Aus) that constantly pose a threat to our rankings and thereby demoralise our unit? What's with this undying obsession over performing well against each other all the time? How come the gut doesn't work as well with the teams in brackets?

In all fairness, last evening, we met and pulverised a team that was by no measure a WC winning team. Over half of the team was inexperienced. The captain of the ship himself hasn't scored a one-day century yet, even as he stares at sunset at 41. Says a lot about the capability of the unit, doesn't it?Shahid Afridi, the only other experienced campaigner almost always battles expectations of being a pinch hitter.He wasn't any different last evening gifting his wicket away.

Let us also not kid ourselves by our own performance. 300 is not exactly an enviable score given latest one-day trends. Look at Ireland and how they destroyed the West Indies. They made 300 look like a bad joke. We conveniently dashed hopes of touching 325 despite sitting comfortably on good starts by the top order. In fact, after Dhoni, we were a mere pack of cards delivering right the Domino's effect.

And our bowling strength (*sigh*) struggled to clean up the tail (again!!) despite their inexperience. So yes, we can celebrate last night's win but it was to me, Pyrrhic. Our bowlers were clearly exposed and the batsmen beyond Kohli, are for all practical purposes, non-existent.

To all my friends who derive this cheap thrill out of beating our cousins from across the border, might I remind that WC is not only about an IND v PAK encounter. I'd be as humiliated and bruised as Pak is today, if not more, if we didn't truly look like the defending champions. Trust me, we don't remotely look the part as on date.

An acid test awaits us on the 22nd when we meet the mighty Proteas. To my mind, our performance on that day will establish our intent and commitment to retain the cup. Or realistically, even getting through to the quarters. 

Like MSD mentioned at the presser, it is time we moved on from what now seems like a non-existent rivalry, mostly stoked by media and the petty politics in the background.

Abhi pathaakon ka waqt nahin aaya!

AAP se anurodh!

Dear God,

As I file this, I learn that the AAP is hinting at forming a Government in DEL. Whose support, how etc are not in yet.


Kind attn: Mr. Arvind Kejriwal

Dear Mr. Kejriwal,

Trust all’s well.

I am amongst your harshest critics. It has, I assure you, no bearing on your methods or ideology as much as it does on politics and governance in this country.

That I have never written to any other outfit despite the vitriol they have brought about in the country and chose to write to you is testimony; testimony that the country and citizens saw a glimmer, a glimmer of positive optimism and brighter days ahead through the AAP.

It is with that very hope that I feel compelled to write to you about your stance on taking the podium in Delhi. AAP’s mainstay has been activism and relentless opposition to the order of the day – lawlessness, red-tapism and corruption abound! People of this vast expanse walked with you solely on that premise with faith of a better, brighter tomorrow.

Your showing at the recent polls took everyone by surprise, mostly pleasantly. A simple outfit with very simple but focused ideals was long overdue. How you would deliver on the electricity and water problems would make for an intellectual debate on another day. People sitting in the comforts of their cosy couches, especially the armchair critics suddenly took notice.

I think you owe it to this nation and its people. It is time to pay back.

In the wake of the quandary over who forms Government, here are a few observations/questions:

1.    If your agenda pivoted on an anti-Congress and anti-BJP promise, swaying this way or that is clear betrayal. You will be going against people’s mandate.
2.   By leaving a window of opportunity (the 18 points of contention, 10 days to consider etc), you’ve managed to create useless ambiguity.
3.    Do you really see a need to seek vox populi now to help you decide?
4.    On one occasion, you’d rightly pointed out that in Politics, nothing can be unconditional, then why this tentative stand?
5.    Besides, a sway this way would mean pro-corruption and that way would mean pro-communalism. Must I remind you that the country is fraught with communally opportunistic and opportunistically communal forces?
6.    So what if there are fresh elections, so what if it costs the exchequer and so what if you have to seek a fresh mandate? The costs and efforts thus incurred would be toward a good cause. Surely, it can’t get worse than the quantum of money we lost by way of scams.

I’d scarcely worry about fortunes in case of a fresh mandate. You were a big hit at a time when you were a ‘write-off’. A more convincing swing in your favour is the only likely outcome. Also, it is a very beautiful problem to have. Just when you wondered how you’d fulfill your promises, you are getting an extension up until the next general elections.

In my view, this is the time for you to sit back, retrospect and plan ahead. I hope you didn't think Delhi was your horizon. Real conquests lie within the remotest, hitherto untouched regions of our country. It is time to strategise and make public your next steps in governance. Do I need to remind you that you have far too many headaches to deal with, keeping in mind your manifesto?

Summarily, these should be your first few steps:

a.     Meet India Inc., the real engines of growth.
b.     Decentralize AAP, identify and field strong regional forces that carry your message forward
c.     Reinforce your presence on Social media, keep the country posted
d.    Get to know the Country, travel aggressively. India still lives in its villages!
e.     The party’s political inexperience was in full public view with the recent stir that Mr. Bhushan caused. This could also be the time for you to brainstorm on party ideals, bring about a consistency in tone and opinions.
f.      The country is facing grave crises – Sexual offences, gender discrimination, partition of states etc. What are your thoughts on these and various others?

Do give it a thought. Trust me you may not even have begun. There is a long way to go, miles to walk…

In the interim, I remain your harshest critic!

Chennai Express: A man-made catastrophe

Chennai Express: The future of Indian Cinema – crass, tasteless, humiliating and definitely worrying. My polite two bits to explain why…

Dear God,

Let’s start with some good points and the myriad not-so, this fare presented…

Like: Popcorn, Trailers, Interval, exchanging texts, Kumbakonam, Sathyaraj (despite the modicum role), gyrations by Priyamani and Deepika P.

Dislike: Everything else interspersed between the above.

SRK: After Chak de, my respect for him has only dwindled. Chennai Express brought it to a head. Thankfully, this movie establishes his age upfront but his histrionics still make you want to believe he is the tried and tested Rahul from yesteryears. In almost every frame (again!!!!), he turns out to be a damp squib.

Sathyaraj: The delightful but highly underrated Sathyaraj is wasted. What was he thinking when he signed up for this non-existent story!?!

Deepika P: Probably the only part of the movie that looked good!!!! Deepika’s Tamil was hardly convincing. If you thought all Tamilians’ve gotten their masculine and feminine genders confused, you are wrong!

The DDLJ, Antakshiri sequences couldn’t conjure up a smile. Lame lines intended to be funny like SRK’s sheepish, “Woh meri seat hai, my seatum!” or “Lekin, main!” when asked to go to Rameshwaram. “Main” what?

“Don’t underestimate the power of a common man” doesn’t found funny by any means. I guess the maker of this movie understood it and sooner than later replaced it with an even ridiculous “Don’t underestimate the common of a power man” Really!

Overall, the movie was humiliating, especially since the intended and unintended humour was targeted at Tamilians. Tamilians do not speak Hindi the way the movie depicts. Why, most Tamilians do not even speak the national language with all the political shenanigans at play.

What’s up with Chenaai?!?! Or Thaangabali?!?!?

Plot: why bother! Besides if you left your brains at home, does it matter?

That I contributed to the 100 Cr., the movie earned in its opening week irks me the most.

To friends, fair-weather and genuine well wishers, who urged me to leave my brains home before the fare, I pity you! Haven’t we seen madder and yet thoroughly enjoyable movies like Andaaz Apna Apna or Dhamaal?

To some others who provided their highly insightful, “after hours of hard work, I want to relax and watch a light movie”, you’ve gotten it wrong. You endure slime throughout the day and then close it with more slime doled out by a mindless crew. Only in the former, you get paid!

So how does one express ire towards CE and its ilk? – Boycott them or watch the pirated version.                            

                                   
                                                Issued in Public Interest

The bane of being a woman in India

“You go sit on the Kitchen floor!” Athaipatti condescendingly orders my sister to vacate her seat for me at the dining table. Later Amma tells me that old timers like her always preferred boys to girls for progeny. Poor Lalitha moved without protest.

Visiting a good friend’s home, I find his mother sitting on a mat laid out in the corner of the hall. A plate and tumbler are set aside for her. Upon inquiry I learn that she is “outside” for a set period. It is only later in time that I understand what it meant. A typical feature of the South Indian household, women have to endure this bizarre outcast-like treatment from menarche up until menopause, month after month. Episodically, they are considered impure and are not allowed to touch anything or anyone at home!

A family acquaintance, Doctor by profession, we learn later in life was violated by a group of men as an act of retribution aimed at her husband. If you asked Amma, she’d say that the lady was ‘spoilt’!

...My first memories of discrimination at home, growing up. Women across this great nation have, sadly, always resigned to fate when oppressed. Isn’t home the start to gender equality, respect for each other, education and empowerment?

Picture the typical company boardroom setup. The hosting VP calls for updates from across the room. When the lone lady presents her version, admittedly a bit sheepishly, the VP almost unflinchingly says, “Stick it up!” Cut to a similar setup, different company and different time. Women here are a minority. During an ensuing discussion, the MD makes a fleeting remark, “Sab Chutiye hain!”unmindful of the women seated around. Leave alone chivalry, basic etiquette was lacking, a clear sign of poor upbringing.

            In both of the aforementioned instances, the ladies either wore a stoic look or simply withdrew into a shell.

“F***, in time, you wouldn’t have to manage these babes. You are meant for a different role”, the Boss announces nonchalantly referring to my team of ladies. Thankfully, not in their presence!

Bapuji had once famously stated that India would be truly independent the day her womenfolk are able to walk uninhibited and fearless at midnight. That, unfortunately, is not a timeless piece. Women here, irrespective of age and time of day are liberally violated. Beyond doubt, even Bapuji would have been put to shame.

The movie Matrubhoomi: A Nation without Women (2003) is a futuristic take on a hamlet in North India that is inhabited by men alone. Thanks to every newborn girl child being sacrificed, men are left to double up for chores that are typically associated with women – cleaning, cooking, drawing water from wells etc. The men here are so frustrated that they resort to bestiality to douse the heat within. A family of 5 brothers is married to one woman in exchange for a sum. The ensuing horror is left to your imagination. The highpoint of the movie is in the total disregard for the woman except when in bed.

Internal party politics and apparent misogyny from various quarters persuaded the premier of a nation recently to step down in full public glare. That she did so with poise and dignity makes for a full-length blog. Other than the famed quartet in our country, why do you not see very many women in high places?

Out on the streets, men are killed (recall the Kegan-BBY incident) for protecting women. The opposite sex is a mere means to let off steam on-the-go (recall the Delhi rape incident)

Media does its bit in conveniently glamourising and de-glamourising her (recall the Arushi Talwar, Priyadarshini Mattoo, Jessica Lal cases). All of these ladies were widely reported in heightened frenzy. Whatever happened to those cases, no clue! Sheilas, Chikni Chamelis and their ilk have contributed abundantly to her commodification.

Dear God, 

Who am I to offer solutions? But I do have the right to share common sense. This plague of discrimination can be eradicated only through an all-round effort. Education, enforcement, enlightenment, empowerment et al need be packaged abundantly and appropriately. Castration, Electric chair, Hanging etc may not necessarily be deterrents.

Thottam house weakens!

Around 1984
“Koshava! Koshakumbara!”, the ever-rambunctious Ramettan chases the naughty lad (all of 6 years). Eventually the chase ends and Ramettan fondly embraces the lad. Favourite amongst all of Amma’s siblings, Ramettan always does his best to keep the lad and his sister in good spirits.

                                                                                                                                        

Around 1984 too
Chief amongst Ramettan’s chores is tending to the Cow and her calf. Every morning presents an invite to the lad to hop onto Ramettan’s able shoulders and scamper around Chandrashekarapuram. “Bada, bada!” Ramettan yells during the rounds.

                                                                                                                                 

Since first memories
“Mottai! Poovu parichiya?”The moniker (Mottai is a tonsured head, a custom followed upon the death of an elder) held good for either of the fraternal twins – Rama and Lakshmana. They acquired the name after the sad demise of Swarnam – Thottam house’s matriarch. Every morning, the twins take turns to tidy the numerous deities that adorned the ‘Swami room’. Flowers dotted the 21 cent-premise of Thottam house and every morning a sample of each would be presented at your feet.

                                                                                                                            


With time

Changing tides witness Ramettan switch over to medicine, as a med-representative. Every morning after the ritualistic ‘poojai’, he’d put on the un-ironed shirt over the ‘veshti’, hop over the ancient Hercules and race up to ‘paadhai’ (for convenience sake, the main road). Hardworking, he’d return only after an arduous 12-14 hrs at work. Sundays were meant for extra money via the occasional catering services’ call. A recent payslip (more like a crumb) reads his salary – Rs. 5121/- after all deductions!!!! How does one survive on such a paltry income in the 21^st century! Between managing a falling house, a kid’s school and tuition fees and some meager savings, there is only so much.

                                                                                                                                              

1-Aug-2013

The peace across his face is palpable. And yet, even as he undertakes the sojourn from Thottam House, you can feel the energy, see him smile! It is time, time to get out of the make-shift bed and undertake a whole new journey. Amidst raging fires, Ramettan departs!

                                                                                                                                           

Dear God, 

Ramettan would present himself at the station every trip (to and fro). Fond memories of that radiant smile added to the promise of a pleasant stay at Thottam House.  August 2012 was the last time he'd be at the station. A terrible accident had rendered him unconscious for over 24 hours until death became him. ‘Ettan’ (read Ayton) is a common Malayali address for the elder.  I will miss the affection, the warmth you showered upon me, Raman Mama. You are like the vital limb that is now lost. Coming home to Thottam is never going to be the same again. 

Memories are all that remain. The above mentioned are, but, just fragments.

Despite several hardships, I cannot recall one instance when he stretched his hand out for help. Such was his steadfast grit. It was in his character to be cheerful and spread cheer. Pity! you needed him earlier than his time. 

Tertium comparationis

Dear God,

A recent conversation centered on true freedom, led me to a surprise finding. I may be wrong in my assessment. Nonetheless.

We are often weighed down by obligations, expectations, deadlines and responsibilities. Endless wants and desires only add to the misery. So what does one do - give up on material life and embrace hermitage? What about those who are dependent on you? What is to become of them?

Through the conversation, I kept thinking what else could be persuading us to live this kind of a life. If it was only a matter of relinquishing materialism and adopting total austerity, all of us may have done and lived it already. But even in austerity, the attachment remains - to meditation, to solitude, to wandering, to giving etc. So what makes a hermit different from me?

I realized that consciousness could probably be the culprit here. Because I am so aware of what is and isn't, I make choices. But imagine the mentally delinquent (I don't mean that offensively at all). He wanders aimlessly, lives for the day and enjoys his hard earned meal (albeit by begging). There is no societal pressure, no expectations, no one awaiting his return. Yet he lives - unmindful of the world around him and unconscious of anything.

I guess, the infant is a fine parallel - full of joy and glee until natural progression...

Consciousness, the killer in us!

Dear Prannoy Babu....

Dear God,

I have been looking up options to get this letter to Prannoy Roy. Twitter and FB give me only so much space. See if you can do something.

Thanks much!


Dear Prannoy Babu,


For the record, I started following 24X7 because your newscasters/scroller didn't yell at me. 24X7 provided the escape route from your competition whose USP is scream to open headlines, scream Breaking news and most importantly, thrust views on the audience. Worse still, at the end of the 9 o'clock broadcast, the head honcho of one of the leading news channels spells out his expert (read useless) advice on the topic that was covered. Yet another channel pits clowns from various quarters, gets them to fight and hurl epithets while the opinionated facilitator would mouth "Why can't you be honest?"


Now your channel did two things initially which attracted my patronage - did not sell news/opinions to me and most importantly, didn't yell at me. Also, you reserved your services for genuine exclusives.


It is with regret now though that I write to you about the failing standards at 24X7 too. Hitherto, your trump card is where my disgust starts. She seems to think of herself as the conscience keeper of the nation. We the people are mighty frustrated with an opinionated facilitator who derides panelists if their thoughts are not populist and who compulsively opines after every panelist's/participant's statement. In-a-sense is oft abused especially when her statements open and close with it. Her style of reporting is passe and cliched at best. Take for instance, her show on Robert Vadra. The questions asked were based on fictitious ideas. Hardly researched, it is inconsequential to the audience if he is ready to join politics yet or what his wife, mom-in-law and brother-in-law think of his foray. Throughout the course of the show, she kept pressing on questions based purely on conjectures and media's imagination. Or that episode covering 10 years of Godhra - she wipes tears while empathizing with the victim and family. Reporting ethics! Hello!?!?!


All of your newscasters are stylized on the aforementioned she, 'in-a-sense'. So much so that I have observed that some of your newscasters openly mimic her statements and posture on various shows. Highly distracting to say the least, I lose focus on news items and/or the panelists' views. 


Sir, a lot of stress is being laid on content, material and self-restraint. While that continues to be a challenge across most leading news channels in our country, I feel that is still secondary to the standard of newscasters. Barring a noteworthy few (Keshulay Bhattacharjee, Nidhi Razdan, Radhika Iyer, Priyanka Kakodkar and Pallav Bagla), I am afraid the rest are either clones or just dumb bimbettes with no prior contextual knowledge of a subject. Pronunciations, especially regional, sound pathetic coming from some of these clowns. A few of the newscasters leave long interludes between two words leaving one to wonder if they were choked. A few others lay unnecessary stress on words that hardly need any. Let's reserve content for another day. But may I interest you with an earlier precis here and a fellow blogger's thoughts here


A generation has grown up watching a classy Prannoy casting news in a manner exclusive to him alone. That be the case, is it unfair to expect his channel to be modelled after him? I do not know of your interest in day-to-day operations but if you take feedback seriously and would like to champion the cause of journalism (in its truest form), it is time for you to sit up, take notice and bring about a change in your system


I remain, yours sincerely.

Eat it!

Dear God,

It was such a treat watching Mani Shanker Aiyar devouring Nirmala Seetharaman on last evening's episode of 'Left, Right and Center'.

In his words, "If we don't come to power, which is highly unlikely.....but Nirmala will continue to air her views from your studios" and "I can understand the opposition to the NAC but can't understand Nirmala's ignorance on the subject".

I am afraid I am becoming a fan of his. Hard nosed and snotty individuals deserve this treatment. Maybe I am perceptive and opinionated, but I don't appreciate the way Nirmala speaks. She is highly irritating.

Another name that I truly respect is Manish Tiwari. Amazing diction and what command over the language! His duels with Ravishankar Prasad are a treat. There is always some new phrase, idiom or a word to pick from his statements.

Advantage Tennis

Dear God,

Regardless of the result, Sunday will witness History being made at Center Court.

All of Switzerland and perhaps all of Center Court will hope for a Champion to equal a record. Metaphorically, Federer will therefore walk toe-to-toe with his predecessor, the great Sampras. My generation will witness a hallmark event in the sport, a phenomenon that may not be destined for the less fortunate subsequent. So much so, Federer may become synecdochial to Tennis.

On the other hand, Britannia will hope that its favourite child and No.1 will persuade a shift in how the world views England's contributions. Will Sunday be kind to a nation that has been oppressed in most forms of sport - Cricket, Tennis, Football alike? Given his recent form (esp the adorable drop shots and court coverage), Murray looks most able.

As you are aware, I am not a big fan of numbers, stats or trends. Performance on a given day supersedes all else. With Murray, though, I have an emotional connect. A side to me wants Murray to win, not only for the grandeur but also for Britannia's redemption (after 76 years!).

I will, however, let the outcome (irrespective) override the emotion.

Play!

What's in a name?

Dear God,

A certain computer manufacturer has named their next, 'Envy'. Nice, don't be surprised if you see products being named after the other deadly sins too!

Sample these -

1. Floating Tongues for an Ice cream parlour!!! (thankfully, that building was recently torn down). I'd hate walking past a joint named as such.

2. 4Play for a bargain basement. Come on! what were they thinking?!?!


Exactly what the idea is behind such macabre and sick naming conventions, is beyond me! I guess we simply have to resign to the brazen times we live in. 


What's in a name? Ho ho ho, a whole lot!