Angry kya?

Dear God,

Allow me to introduce myself as the Burger. Briefly, I am a fillet engulfed by two spongy, albeit overbearing buns. That I am customized to suit the palettes of herbivores and carnivores is not part of the agenda.

Today I am annoyed and you will know why during this sojourn.

From time immemorial, I have been subjected to corruption in every walk of life, so much so that attempts to effect simple changes often raised quite a few eyebrows – “Live with it”!!

Along came a quartet claiming to be the conscience keepers of this great Nation. The Head Honcho threatened to fast at the drop of a hat. The resultant feed was an overdose of running jokes on the net. Sample this:

Amma: Go out and play

HH: No I will fast

Teacher: Kneel down

HH: No I will fast

Doctor: Breathe in and breathe out

HH: No I will fast

So you see, he slipped into ‘fasts’ for this and for that. Though not as inconsistent as M. Night Shyamalan’s produce, the only variation to his blackmailing was a recent “Maun vrat”. For a while, his methodologies prompted the quasi-sympathizers and pseudo-intellectuals to debate and provide entertainment on national television. I am not dwelling into the buffoonery contributed to this by the remnant members of that quartet. I was confused at this state – to support the methodology or not. Of course, I completely believed that the disease had to be eradicated but the methodology did not seem to (rightly put by a fellow blogger) do too much about the symptoms.

Nonetheless, the Government budged, not because it wanted to sanction his demands but because it feels pathetic to let a frail septuagenarian and his minions openly proclaim that the Govt. can’t cut the mustard. Of course, the Govt. did not let him have it easy. It employed jokers to comment on the quartet’s integrity from time to time. In due course, allegations were leveled against every member of the quartet. From commenting on plebiscites, first class free air travel, tax evasions to corruption from ‘head to toe’, the jokers ensured that the job was well done.

The media in the meantime, lapped onto every moment of this charade like an opportunity. Typical of a mad dog let loose, the media hounded the quartet, provoked the Govt., impaneled elite facades and provided comic relief to the nation. In keeping with tradition, inflammable headlines and by-the-second breaking news ensured space for competition.

Where are we today? Accusations and counter-accusations are in full force. With no news on the actual and core agenda item, no good news is in sight. The Quartet promises yet another fast, the Govt. continues to do its best to be counter-productive and the shameless Indian media continues to provide a reason to escape Mom’s pet operas.

I, the Govt’s dear and oft-abused rant, the aam-aadmi am in a pitiable state.

Here’s what I look like today. I am the indifferent Indian!

Dichotomy II

Dear God,

I can't keep the house thanks to the ever sky-rocketing interest rates. What started as a negligible 7.5% in 2004 has now touched 16%. Pundits forecast at least a couple of revisions more by the turn of this year. For the record, RBI has hiked rates 12 times times this year, not a record our country ought to be proud of. Who would have thought that I, with a home loan, would be a victim of uncontrollable inflation.

Anyway, I put my house up on sale.

But....this is amazing coincidence: Just when I initiated the advertisement, the Telangana crisis raised its ugly head. Real estate as it were, had already reached an all-time low. The crisis has ensured that there is no hope for individuals like me. Prospects today ask for rates that are pitiable and certainly not worth discussing.

So there it is, I can't keep the house, I can't sell it!

I am choking......help me God....

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara (Hindi/2011)

Dear God,

Yes, I admit I said that the aforesaid movie is at best a travel guide. A friend remarked that he liked the movie and that it reminded him of Dil chahta hai. Oh! Because it had three friends and three chicks too....”no way, Jose!” methinks.

Anyway, there is a part of the movie that strikingly stands out - a distinct parallel that the story draws on. And I figured that watching bits of the movie on second run.

Three friends undertake a trip agreeing to venture into a sport they had hitherto resisted by choice or fear. So:

1. Farhaan’s character is afraid of flight. His thoughts are profound and deep. He doesn’t let himself soar high. Deep diving and exploring world below complements his thoughts and character.

2. In contrast, Hrithik’s character is afraid of the deep. He has soared high all his life. And so he finds flight exciting and more comfortable.

3. Abhay’s character seals it with fear of what chases him on the ground. He is forever running from reality, sometimes accepting destiny when it presents itself in especially terrifying times.

The parallel listed above, I thought, summed up the movie. Beautiful, indeed. All others just revolved around this. The chicks, the locales, the rifts etc were just there to, well, be there. Now you know, barring 1-2-3, the movie remains a travel guide.

Dichotomy....

Dear God,

I hate going to the Salon's but also hate growing hair....

How I dispose the adipose...

Dear God,

It took me a while to accept that I was obese (Type 1) on the BMI. Lots of literature, crash diets and extensive cycling sessions later, I realized none of it was really doing any good.

Top that with opinions from all quarters. After all they come free. So, a "Why don't you try Atkins?"or "You should have the Kelloggs breakfast" etc was routine.

By serendipity (well, almost), I discovered the one component of my diet that was causing the most harm - Rice. I had to get rid of it. Tough decision, especially given that it is a South Indian staple.

Strangely, it wasn't as difficult. I woke up one morning about six months ago and asked for all rice-based foods to be excluded from the diet. That done, I now had to focus on a strict regimen. A few things that really work for me - Eat a solid breakfast and eat it like you'd not have another meal for the rest of the day. So, my breakfast is laid out on a royal platter. About 10 rotis, a bowl of mashed potato, leafy vegetables' curry (or any other without oil), tomato or lemon juice (salted only) summed up the first meal of the day.

The other principle that works wonders is to have multiple meals in a day, ensures that you never go hungry. I carry green salad to supplement a healthy "between-meals" meal. I eat almost 6 times a day after that heavy breakfast.

I'd strongly recommend that those initiated into weight control should promptly identify and accept the following:

1. Obesity/overweight and

2. Contain eating habits before embarking on physical training

Trust me, half the battle is already won.

Now on the exercising bit - start off with walking (brisk 45m - 60m). The trick here is not the time. I figured a slight modification to the traditional formula T = D/S as under:

C = D/S

where C - calories burned

D - distance covered (by a stretch)

S - speed

So the faster I walk, greater is the distance covered in less time. That is the key. So you could cover 4 kms in 45m or 6+ kms in the same time. You know what to pick.

Over a period of time, I graduated to short spurts of jogging. Today, I jog for 8 kms with very short walks interspersed.

I also kept the cycling alive - Rain, cold or shine. I cycle to office everyday. That, while cutting the following out:

1. Elevator/lift

2. Alcohol

3. Rice

4. Non-vegetarian food

5. Junk food

6. Aerated drinks

7. Chocolate and all confections thereof

Once in a rare while, I do spoil myself though, I admit.

Tips:

1. Set a realistic target - "I will lose _kgs a month to achieve _ by the month of _".

2. Celebrate - "I will treat myself to a Beef steak and Beer if target is achieved."

3. Stay committed. You want good news, make it!

I am not saying what I clock today. I have never believed in results. The efforts should show. I have a long way to go, but the efforts have begun to show and I already feel good.

More later...

Coming back to life

Dear God,

This time it is not lethargy, not lack of content or thoughts. I have just not been able to get anything up here.

Quite a few folks have been inquiring, some sounding worried about the long overdue precis.

Anyway, so I am going to make an honest attempt to resurrect this space and keep it resplendent.

In recent times, I realized that my handwriting (that I was so good at, years ago) had deteriorated to despicable levels. Perfect! the timing couldn't have been better, I thought. I could pen my thoughts on paper and then convert them to this space.

I hope that revives my strokes while keeping this space engaged.

So help me God.

Some more fuel.....

Dear God,

Here's a good, able and a talented friend's contribution to all the exaggeration and furore around the battle of battles, the war of wars......

Do you follow Telugu, Dear God? If you do, you will appreciate the passion that has gone into each of the words. You will feel all the emotions that run rife on a battlefield. Somehow, this encounter reminds me of the Kurukshetra. After all India and Pakistan are long-lost cousins too!

కలియుగంతమును తలపించు మహాసంగ్రమము జరగనున్నది!

సప్తసిందు క్షేత్రమైన పంజాబ్ రాష్ట్రమున మొహలి లో భారత్ మరియు పాకిస్తాన్ మధ్య ఒక చారిత్రాత్మక యుద్ధము జరుగాన్నున్నది!

దాయాదుల పోరు తిలకించుటకు యావత్ ప్రపంచము స్తంభించి ఆట స్థలమునకు పరగులు తీస్తున్నది. తక్కిన వారు దూరదర్సినులను కళ్ళార్పకుండా తిలకిన్చేదారు !

సచిన్ సెహ్వాగ్ లు భీమార్జునులు, ధోని కృష్ణుడి గ అవతరించి సుయోధన సేన ను అడ్డుకునే సంనహములో యుద్ధ వ్యుహములను పన్ని గెలుపు దిశగా తీస్కుపోవుటకు సర్వం సిద్ధం

మరి ఈ మహాసంగ్రామ ఘడియలు తిలకించి యుద్ధ భేరి ని ముక్తకంతం తో మొగించుటకు సిద్ధమ! రండి పాకిస్తాన్ ఆటగాళ్ళ గుదము భాగములను భారత సేన చీల్చి చండాడుట చూడండి!

The mother of all battles!

Dear God,

March 30/2011, the day when battle lines will be drawn, conches will be blown and war cries will peak. The world will witness a war between two Super powers – India and Pakistan.

Ok, that was dramatic! Sorry… It is difficult to stay away from all the hype TV and other media generate every time we meet. At work, we’ve been discussing the impending “Mahasangraam” and cries of “Har Har Mahadev”. I can picture the scene as I write.

Add to it, as per News channels, Mohali was sold out the day counters opened. There’s not a Hotel that can provide for accommodation within 80 Kms, can you beat that? Ever since India moved to SF, every channel has been covering past encounters, interviewing people from both sides, provoking some to play on each others’ minds etc.

Amid all this, the “warring sides” appeared to be conservative on their comments except for Shahid. I believe he has stated that he will make it tough for Sachin to score his 100^th ton. Yeah right!

I only wish we met at the Wagah Border. What a treat that would be!

Okay, before I let my imagination run any wilder, let me sign off God.

Har Har Mahadev!

“The Blue-blooded bloody nothings”

Dear God,

As it is, I was rather livid when England made it to the QF. What, exactly what did this side do to feature in there is beyond me. Hardly challenged, a handful to recommend and definitely not ones that can cause upsets or change equations, they did not deserve to be there.

I must admit though that they did provide some entertaining episodes during the leagues, especially the Tie against India and their loss to Bangladesh. Versus WI, they won only because WI threw away the match...

To add to my ire, Atherton had the gall to say that his country played “top-class Cricket in the run-up to the Quarters”, CRAP!!!!! Either he is in the wrong job or just a fanatic that found a place in the box by virtue of his past glory. Not surprising then that they met their fate with SL beating them to pulp.

My heart goes out to you O! Britannia, for you don’t appear to get any closer to the WC glory anytime soon. Go home, Barmy!

Cheers to that…

The "Sneak-ins"

Dear God,

At the end of the leagues, I had a weird feeling that three teams - WI, NZ and Eng moved into the QFs rather easily. None of them was really challenged...I guess, thanks to the WC 2011 format.

And so, based on the above assumption, I had scripted, in what seemed to be a natural progression then:

QF1 - Pak v. WI - Pakistan

QF2 - Aus v. Ind - either way or that (70-30 though in India's favour)

QF3 - NZ v. SA - SA.

QF4 - Eng v. SL - SL

Clearly, the three 'sneak-ins' would be trampled, I thought, and so the SF was clear - Pak, SA, SL and Ind or Aus.

However, a rude shock was provided by the Kiwis in their clash against SA. What a treat! I cannot recall the last time I watched a fixture that was won purely on superlative fielding and sheer discipline in attack. Every member in the NZ was a man with a purpose that day. Amazing how they didn't let some of the best batsmen in the world - FAF Plessis, Kallis, De Villiers and the like move out of the crease. Boundaries were too far and too few in between. And Oram, good old Oram, felt so good watch him regain form. Outstanding bowling figures!

So, so far barring that one game, I have been able to, like many, script the progress of this Cup.

The mother of all matches is due Wednesday, Mar 30 2011. Boy! what a mouth-watering treat that one's going to be....

They don't have screens at work, God. What do you do - your entry would be free of cost at Mohali, wouldn't it? ;-0