Chei peete?

Minu
Chei – Rs. 5/-
Lukmi – Rs. 15/-
Paaya – Rs. 15/-
Meals – Rs. 25/-
Minral water – Rs. 10/-

Wash Bashun ------------>
(No Smoking Allowed here)

Dear God,

In case you wondered what this is about, let me introduce you to the world of Hyderabadi Cafes. And if you thought the spellings were blasphemous, don’t blame me – they are a straight lift from my experiences sitting around in there. Oh! Before I forget the absolutely prickly warning sign, Ambumani Ramadoss did successfully put a check on smoking, but did not probably envisage the faux pas with warnings.

So let’s start with our day’s visit to the quintessential Garden Café or the Omega Café…

Dost: Kaisa hai be?
Me: Good hai, kya chalra?
Dost: Kuch nahi be, wohi roz-madra ki zindagi!
Me: Chal Chai maarte hai (I can’t get over why we are so violent in life, verbally too!)

At the Café, after we are settled down with our usual smokes (Devil may care Ambumani Ramadoss):

Waiter: Chei peete? (Unusual, because a waiter here never stops for orders)
Me: How, do chai, malai ke saath
Dost: Ek bas re, merko nakko (there you go, our Hyderabadi versatility, a bit of Marathi)

The waiter yells “Ek chei, malai maarke!!" at the shady, dark and scary-looking kitchen. You have to be there to believe the baritone, modulated voice of the waiter. While the tea cup makes its journey to our meanwhile clean-dried mosaic table, we admire the facility.

Dost (nostaligic): Abbe, yaad hai apan poora din Café mein ek chai pe ghanto baitthe the! “

(Around here, you could actually sit smoking and talking, sometimes without ordering for practically an entire day. No questions asked.)

Me: How be! Everything else has changed, not these joints. Thank God for that!

In the interim, our cup of Irani Chai lands with a THUD! accompanied by an empty cup. Now that’s a Hyderabadi Café for you – if you can’t have all the tea, share it! And Guess what, if you don’t get one, ask for it. “Ek emty laa do”!

So then you get to hear the various voices around you – some chatting business, some giving mouthfuls, some others taking earfuls!, all of it in staunch, orthodox Hyderabadi lingo. In here, as across HYD, your mother ka, sister ka take a completely different meaning. Swear words are customized to suit the tongue, if you like.

Let me name a few prominent Cafes – most of which we frequent purely to appease our nostalgic hunger pangs. Garden Café, Omega Café, Niagra Café, Alpha Café, Hotel Blue Sea….Man! the memories associated with each is just so filling. I still recall, these hangouts served as the best stress busters after an argument at home, a tiff with the bus conductor or a long, drab day at the college.

Another feature of these joints – customers, loyal regulars. Some of them can take you back in time and narrate how these joints sprung up, the historical significance associated with each of them. The customers know the waiters by their names, or so I think! (every waiter here is either a ‘Seenu Anna’ or a ‘Munna’). Some of the customers around here are so comfortable, they actually use the water glasses around to double up for wash-basins post a sumptuous meal.

Your neighbour could be anybody, smoker or non-smoker, labourer or businessman. There are no frills attached, no questions on dignity. Everybody here is a customer.

Coming back, we finish our “chei”. We call for Seenu or Munna, pay him “ek chai” 5 bucks and are out of the café in no time. No queues at the counter, no tipping required and best of all, there are no complaints. The tea here is all ready before orders and is served piping hot.

So God, the next time you are here in HYD, do visit one of these vibrant joints. Trust me, you will not be disappointed. Who knows, you might go back and start a chain too!

Cheers to Hyderabadi chei and the Café spirit!